Below is a short chunk of a Fanfic Im working on. I just want to get some feedback. If you're a fan of the lore.
EDIT: I stayed up all night and worked on some new content for you guys. Let me take a moment though to thanks all of you guys who read my little piece of Destiny lore. I never expected such a positive reaction to my writing. You guys really warmed my heart. Unfortunately the update has too many characters to post here- so I've added a link to a website that has the updated tale in a format that's easier to read. But be sure to review the whole thing again because ive implemented a lot a changes and improvements. Please let me know if anything feels too bloated now. I hope you enjoy what I've added.
Click [url=http://www.wattpad.com/65492718-high-orbit-path-to-a-legand-high-orbit-path-of-a?utm_source=web&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&ref_id=33887937]HERE[/url] to continue the Journey.
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Nicely done, you write really well and you brought the characters to life brilliantly. The different Ghost personalities was a really neat touch. You asked for criticism, so I'll offer one small piece: too many sentences started with the word "the" which is a mistake easily made .. and for someone of your vocabulary, easily corrected! Keep at it.