Ok, here is what I saw. Nothing major, but it is a grammar faux pas. Never use an apostrophe to make a word plural. I only saw one instance of this in here, and that was at the beginning. Then, after that, you never did it again. lol. I do like how you use the Oxford comma. A lot of writers, younger writers especially, don't know when to use it or even what it is. So, nice job on deciding to use it and sticking with it. Anyway, back to that apostrophe in the beginning. [quote]It was our air support! The VF-11's came in fast...[/quote] The apostrophe is used to show possession. Had you written: [i]The VF-11's rocket slammed into the side of the ship with a ferocious intensity...[/i] Then, you would need the apostrophe to show that the rocket belonged to the VF-11. Your original sentence indicates that there is only one VF-11, when, in fact, it is a whole fleet of them. So it would be written as: [i] It was our air support! The VF-11s came in fast...[/i] Or, if the fleet fired their rockets at the same time, you would write: [i]The VF-11s' rockets slammed into the ship...[/i] The Apostrophe after the 's' in, VF-11s', shows that there are more than one VF-11 Again, just something that caught my eye, and I was nit-picking a bit. Like I said before, I love this story. Keep it up, but don't rush it just so you can write your fan-fic. Take your time!