[b]Chapter 1: The intro[/b] 3 people go to mars and find a giant space marble. the marble buggers of to build cities on Venus and Mars (which both get wrecked) and somehow turns mercury into a beautiful garden world (also gets wrecked, you will never go here) and turns all humans into demigods (they all die later anyway). the humans fly off the conquer all spess but gets their shit wrecked by the darkness, the marble and the darkness never got on well in school, the darkness challenged the marble to "fite me IRL fgt" and the marble was like nope.avi and pussied out. this made the darkness angry so it gave its power to four different alien races and made them kill the humans and fight each other for some reason, we then learn that all the shit is -blam!-ed and then we cut to you, the hero of our tale. [b]Chapter 2: Mother Russia[/b] You are dead and then you're not, Tyrion Lannister doesn't answer the questions you don't ask and you run to safety from an enemy that never comes, it's dark and then it's not and the aliens are coming out of the walls (game over man) and you pick up one of the most unique looking guns in the game that you will replace within 10 minutes. You kill a bunch of fallen and steal a ship from them and bugger off the Da Towwa where you are told to go back to Russia to steal more stuff. Captain xenomorph is angry at you killing his dudes and jumps out of a wall to try and kill you. You kill him and steal his shit. you can now fly harder than ever before. Then you do a mission where you bump into space zombies and kill their local Pope, dinklebot then tells you to got the moon because space zombies but you don't listen to him and do the earth strike instead. After killing the oculus rift and helping a Russian supercomputer you finally decide to go to the moon. [b]Chapter 3: Houston this part's really short[/b] After arriving on what is left of the moon, you make a make too much noise and wake the hive, kill another evil pope and re-steal a stolen ghost and give it to Davey Jones. Then you get a sword for 5 minutes (an awesome 5 minutes) then you get a message from a sexbot telling you to go to Venus, you disregard this and save a piece of the giant space marble instead and kill a chained up bondage monster (not much happens on the moon, just like real life I guess) [b]Chapter 4: Venus and the space elves[/b] Eventually you get round to going to Venus where you meet (and kill) the Vex who mess with everything FPS have been teaching you and don't die from headshots and fire lasers and grenades everywhere. After the robo rave the sexbot straight up refuses to tell you anything but still have time to talk about something called the black garden. Then you go to THE EDGE OF SPESS to talk to the space elves where you learn that they didn't just steal stuff from the fallen like you did but actually stole the fallen, the queens douchebag brother/boyfriend tells you to kill the gatekeeper so he can turn you into the keymaster so you pop off back to Venus to steal a poor Vex Cyclop's dreams to find the gatekeeper. You kill him and lug his head back to the space elves, brother tells you he's not going to tell you where the garden is but tells you anyway and Queenie tells you she will call upon you if the elves need help (but never does) [b]Chapter 5: The turtles of Mars and final goodbyes[/b] You zoom off to Mars and fight some turtles and search for more stuff to steal. You sneak incredibly loudly through the turtles base and steal their information on the dark yard and kill one of their bosses to power the keymaster. From here you can finish the game but instead you make the biggest mistake of your life and do the strike instead. After killing Minigun Mc'rocket shoulders and his tank you head into the racist zone. Tyrion cries at how he doesn't know where you are but you ignore everything he says cos there's a lot of metal gear rejects trying to kill you. You reach the final room where the Vex are worshipping Flubbers evil cousin and they all turn around and just stare at you for not respecting their satanic ritual, evil Flubber brings statues to life because why not. (repeat this section 3 times) After killing all of them, the blob kills itself because your sheer tenacity frightened it so much. Cut back to the tower where vampire king Viktor tells all the master chiefs how great they all are and you can help but notice one of them has a set of blue sunbreakers, you and sexbot are talking again and she tells you to buy the dlc, gives you the space gun then buggers off. Then the credits roll and Paul McCartney sings to you. Da End for now [b]Chapter 6: Earth 2 electric boogaloo[/b] You log in after buying the overpriced DLC to discover there is a new face (if you can call it that) in the tower. You immediately mistake her for a spess zombie but then she starts talking and you quickly realize that Eris probably has the most dialogue of any npc in the game. She tells you that Scrota balls of Oryx is coming to wreck the rest of Earth so she sends you to kill his various minions starting with the Fist. The Fist turns out to be one of the hardest bosses in the game but you end up killing him eventually, then you need to save the Russian computer again because he's being attacked by some bitch called Omnigul. you kill waves of zombies and a giant thing with a tumor for a face all while the computer plays some orchestra music for dramatic effect. Eris then sends you back to the moon to stop the zombies waking up Scrota because bad things will happen if they do, so you kill more zombies and find Scrota's bedroom, he's trapped inside a grand soul gem and you kill the guys trying to wake him up then break the soul gem for some reason, Eris thanks you and throws a giant party for everyone but you and sends you to finally kill Omnigul (-blam!- this strike) After killing the bitch and your ears stop hurting from her screams you got back to Eris and she unlocks the raid for you and thats about it. theres a bounty involving Xur to get a pair of gauntlets which you'll do but then complain about. Da End for real this time (till house of wolves) There you have it folks, you asked for paragraphs so i gave you paragraphs, even wrote a little bit on the intro and the DLC since i love you so much.

The story teaches you about the 4 'darkness' races and takes you through a campaign of eliminating key enemies and stopping/hindering rituals and plans to damage the travelers ability to create 'light' and protect things. Then culminates in the elimination of the vex overmind before they can destroy the traveler and control the solar system by assimilating everything afterwards. The dlc takes it a step towards the hive in the same way you took out the massive vex threat by pissing off omnigul and killing her before 'stopping' crota coming back. Which is why the raid is stupid coz you already stopped crota from coming back, unless the raid takes place in the place where crota was banished or whatever and youre going in to finish him for good. Its actually really simple to understand. It lacks depth and doesnt allow you to really sink your teeth into it for more than a few hours but its still there.

Tell him there is no story. You fight these enemies, you don't know why. The dark is bad and the light is good. You don't know why. You ask why, and get told there is no time to explain. End of story. Have fun guardian.

You are a zombie brought to life by a tiny robot. You are then sent on a quest to kill things by a very shy guy wearing a mask who talks to a giant ball. Even though you don't know what they are, you kill many things, because unexplained genocide is how the speaker gets his jollies. Eventually you meet a woman who has some major time management problems and tells you to go kill vex. You hunt the vex and try to find a way to their home. On the way you get to meet a queen with some self confidence issues and her royally douchey brother. You continue your fight when you get to mars and fight brutes... I mean cabal, my bad. You eventually track down the vex where they are worshipping a gyrating poop monster in the sky. You kill all the vex which makes the poop monster commit suicide in sadness and the day is saved. You get back to the tower where the speaker goes on about how the guardians all did this, when in actual fact it was just one dude/dudette, namely you. The same you who isn't even at your own party. You then get a pat on the head, a fancy pulse rifle, and still no explanations because mindless zombies don't need to know more than they are told.