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7/19/2008 10:48:05 PM
295
I know you have Questions...
It has come to my attention recently that many people out there in our big scary world are confused about something in their lives. This can easily be seen on a smaller scale in the lovely Bungie forums, with myriad questions constantly being fired around concerning every topic imaginable to man, Halo-related or not. Questions such as "Why is Don Mattrick such a douche?" "What is the hidden meaning behind the weekly update?" and "Do Flood poop?" are prime examples of such confusion.
To remedy this confusion at least partially, I would like to offer a service: I will answer your question. Any question, as long as it abides by Bungie's Terms of Use, may be asked, and I promise to answer it to the most truthful and in-depth extent that I can manage. When you're ready, you may begin.
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Don't get me started on those things... Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC? If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together? Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
