moar latar Thanks for the praise so far. Anyone expecting a Flood-version of Homer's Odyssey can go look elsewhere (rac...). Or maybe the same place next year, we'll see. Don't hold your breath.

Thread saved. This is good -blam!-.

I've read parts of this, scanned the rest, but I think I'll read it more in depth later. Nice work sir, makes my day a little less boring.

I went back and read all of it. Its quite an interesting read, and I'm waiting for the Banhammer to come in.

[b]Minerva's Den[/b] It was on this latest journey towards the town in the distance that I nearly fell from a small height down into a hollow, an eroded earthen pit. The ground was brown and crumbly, thin yellow roots hanging from the walls like thin, shaggy hair. In the curve of the hole, I spotted a figure on the ground, lying down, hunched up, and quivering. As I approached it I could hear faint sobs and gasps from between its hands and fingers with which it covered its face. I frowned with concern and knelt down beside the form. "Is everything ok? Are you hurt?" The boy turned his face towards me; it was long and thin, with large dark eyes and dark cropped hair. "Of course I'm hurt!" he snapped with venom. "How? How could she be such an idiot?!" "Who was an idiot? What happened?" "She ran away to some damn -blam!-, even after I treated her with [i]love and respect[/i]." The boy bent down again, crying into his hands dirtied from the mud. "Come, I'll take you to the town," I offered. "We can get you food and warmth and can help you with this problem." "Can you?" the boy asked, a hopeful light in his eyes. "Please?" "I will do all I can," I smiled, offering my hand. "First, tell me: what is your name?" "Major Richard," the boy replied, and, as he climbed to his feet, I saw a glimmering orb appear on his chest, an electric blue sphere with four brightly-coloured panels within, all waving as if on a flag together. In front of all this stood a figure in a green metal suit, a pair of weapons in his raised hands as he gazed down onto the alien-occupied city below. "thank you...." "You are quite welcome." "No, I did the dot dot dot to let you tell me your name. ...Oh, sorry, I forgot I can just look at your title bar. ....Ruby..." His eyes began swimming with tears. "That isn't my name," I said. "No but... I just... thought of her." Richard began to break down in tears again, putting his hands over his face as he fell to his knees.

[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Tartan 118 winding river and its distributaries that were a mere series of tubes at this point.[/quote]+5 internets

"Let's just get up and get moving before the downpour begins," I insisted, taking his arm, putting it around my neck, and lifting him onto his feet. As I attempted to stride forwards, out of the hollow, Richard stumbling at my side, he looked around quickly. "It's already started." I span around. Richard turned with me at my side. On the rise behind the hollow was, I had only just notice, a number of large structures gathered about a central plaza. The one on the left appeared to be a large church-like structure made of soaring, glittering spires of the deepest blue with the occasional purple tint. To the right, a massive cone of rock and earth, magma spewing from the top, a plume of ash and smoke spiralling high into the air. Carved into the front was a gigantic Septagon, and flickering on a screen above the door was a character with large white eyes, a green, circular face and a black square of a body: the Superintendent.

The door below it opened, and a figure appeared, moving forwards with a grace I had never before witnessed. From the door of the spire-adorned cathedral, another figure was descending the arc of steps with a divine bearing and motion. From further back too, other forms came into view, approaching us with a feminine gait. A wave of sweet-smelling perfume began to overwhelm my senses as I stood up to comprehend these creatures. From the sapphire church, a relatively dark-skinned woman with a kindly face, a beauty spot on the left side of her jaw, as I could see her, ruby-red rectangular glasses and flowing dark hair over a blood red dress that curved around her sleek form, down to the ground, folded like the petals of a rose. From the tormented volcano, the woman was dressed almost entirely in lingerie; slinky black panties and a bra protected what little of her modesty remained to be hidden, and she occasionally stroked herself with the most sensual of touches, enough to make Richard grunt at my side. The only oddity about her was placed on her head: the glaring red eyes and black mask of a helmeted Helghast trooper from the Killzone series. Another pair was appearing from beyond the immense structures; one approached, and appeared to be like the inhabitants of the island from which I had come, a man-like creature covered with fur, bright red and with a white chest. The only exception was, the face of the feline creature appeared to be quite femininely structured, as was the ample bosom protruding from her chest. Richard once again quaked at my side. Accompanying the bipedal cat was an almost divine apparition, a cross between an ancient, sculpted statue of white marble, and a cartoon character whose qualities I could not quite define. I gazed at the quartet with a mixture of fear and wonder, when my eyes were drawn upward to a cloud, whereupon sat a small, purple clad girl with long blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. She did not come any closer, but simply watched both me, Major Richard, and the women below with an indecipherable sternness with what almost seemed a slightest inkling of disdain, disgust, and, perhaps, amusement. "What seems to be the problem?" the girl from the sapphire church asked.

At my side, Richard began spluttering again. "Theres... there's Ruby and she's dating an absolute -blam!- and she knows he's an -blam!- to her but she won't break up with him and [i]I'm in love with her[/i]." "Does she know how you feel?" the same girl, jaythenerdkid, asked. "Well.... I don't think so..." "Have you tried telling her?" enquired the Helghast-helmet-clad woman, Rhea. "There's been," Richard blinked, "occasions..." "Occasions on which you've told her?" pressed the Roman-goddess-cartoon-girl, Minerva. "I've tried..." Richard offered. The catwoman, Gamerz, rolled her eyes. "On an unrelated note, I has PINGAS." She raised the skirt that I just now noticed she was wearing. It took me a moment to notice, but once I realised what I was looking at, I turned my head violently away. Alas, I was too late, and the image shall be forever burned into my mind's eye. Gamerz giggled as she lowered her skirt. "FYI, Flood, that was just something I told Tartan to stick in. It's not true. Really. srsly. Not true." "It wouldn't surprise me if it was," Minerva mumbled. "Especially if you want to show off like that. You're such an attention whore. Either that or I love you. Less than three, everywhere." "Pretending to be bi?" Rhea turned to look at Minerva, cocking her head cynically. "And now all the guys will start fapping and be all OMFG SHE AM KISS GERLZ AND NOT AFRIAD OF ANYTHING!1 Flaunting your girl-on-girl tendencies in an predominantly-male forum is more than a little attention-seeking." Gamerz raised her hand slightly, and quietly said, "Uh, I [i]am[/i] bi."

Jay suddenly flounced towards the trio, waving her arms in a ditz and humming to herself. "Um, excuse me, guys, but I think you'll find I'm The Flood's biggest attention whore. Have you seen all the Youtube videos I've posted answering questions for them all? I did so many that I got permabanned on this account ....and therefore technically shouldn't even be here at all," she added cautiously, looking around. "....seeing as this actually based... in ....The Flood..." "Yeah, nice one, nekaneko," Minerva returned. "nekokaneko, actually," Jay corrected. "But nice try." "Thanks," Minerva smiled sincerely. Jay returned the smile warmly, then, without so much as changing her facial expression, continued. "Tartan just found out nekokaneko is also banned. That makes me twice the attention whore you guys will ever be." "What, because we haven't ignored the forum rules enough for two separate accounts?" Minerva shot back. "You are but despicable harpies!" I suddenly screamed.

The women stopped arguing, and, eyes wide, turned their gaze on me as I trembled with anger. Richard was also looking at me, stunned. I swallowed with determination. "This poor fellow comes before you, seeking your advice, and all you can do is bicker amongst yourselves over who can grasp the most -blam!-es of sociopathic obsessive boys whose erect shafts are only slightly larger than their pea-sized brains!" Above, the silent but vigilant Queen of The Flood turned her head. CortanaV was watching. "Mm, yeah, I know," Rhea said awkwardly. "We really are like this, but it's all just fun and games, no-one gets hurt like Jessie Slaughter did." "If you can do me one final favour before squabbling over who can take the girth of the most men," I seethed, "please direct me to some rational individuals with whom I can have some intelligent conversation!" "Well, let's see now," Rhea pondered. "I can think of two guys you might want to talk to about.... that..." She waved her hand vaguely at Major Richard. "The first is Primum Agmen of The Black Chapter, off yonder towards the Mountains of Forbidden Discussion, or, to give them a cooler name, the Fordis Mountains. The second is a fellow by the name of Tartan 118, he'll be in the Writers' Corner, which you'll find in the Grand City of Pretention, near the Flood Library. Annexed to it, actually. Both those guys are dreeeeeeeeamboats. :3 Born on the very same day too. Mmm, twins." My frustrations relieved with the surprisingly frank and helpful reply, I nodded in satisfaction and turned to Richard. "Come, we will get you some help yet." Richard's eyes were still on the girls. It appeared Jay was tracing a line up her side with a finger. "I think I'll stay here, actually," he replied, not taking his gaze off them. "Might get some good advice out of these girls after all." He straightened himself up and approached them with a bright-eyed eagerness. "So hi.... um, you heard me talk about Ruby... how exactly should I go about making her realise I love her?" "Well, ok," Rhea began. "Firstly, you'll need a video-camera and a pot of yoghurt. Make sure your tongue is good and flexible..."

[b]Divide By Zero[/b] As I approached the Forbidden Mountains, their great peaks towering over the horizon before me, I noticed a cluster of black rock, similar to that of which the aerial fortress had been built, but instead of thick slabs, this cluster was composed of vertical sheets, thin and pointed at their tips, a mysterious structure embedded into the mountains. Taking an alternate path to the one on which I was already, I wound my way ever nearer to the enigmatic towers of black, now looming overhead as great pinnacles of pure jet. At their bases, the shards left a slight gap between their sheer walls, a passageway deep into the heart of the mountains. The bottom of each black sheet seemed more reflective than the rest, giving this long narrow hall into the darkness beyond a slightly more iridescent appearance than the light-swallowing heads of the colossal structures, and, as I moved ever deeper, the corridor became lighter, the surrounding black fading into a rich navy blue. The deeper I ventured into the vast structure, its impenetrably black vaults soaring high above me, the more I could hear very distant cries, echoing from deep within the bowels of this mighty cavern, made all the louder by the proximity of the hard cold walls enclosing the enormous cavity. Eventually, after much wandering, my ears keen to discover the source of the increasingly loud and, to my distaste, obscene roars, I came upon a door in the walls, a simple door of two straight sides and a semicircular arch overhead. My eyes wide with curiosity, I ventured in.

"Take your stupid bloody invisible man and leave people alone!" a voice from the left-hand side of the chamber bellowed. "We can only leave people alone insofar as the Lord leaves people alone!" replied a normal-looking fellow wearing a crown on the right, King88. "And He is everywhere! We can but do His Will!" The chamber was a large black cuboid, 4 sheer, smooth black walls, a flat black floor and a ceiling containing two piercing blue-white bars, a stark, cold, bleak room in which a number of long wooden tables were overturned on either side. Hunkered down behind these barricades were several figures on either side, who, as I watched, stood up, cradling a lump of some dark substance, and flung handfuls of the very same stuff at the opposite group. One lump thrown by the top-hat-wearing, monocle-sporting, tartan-clad gentleman who had first shouted out, splattered on the wall behind a fellow wearing lupine fur about his shoulders, and a hood made of a wolf's head. I examined the mark from my position, before recoiling from the foul smell. "You're just burbling random remarks with no evidence and certainly no proof behind your assertions," an Elite glowing a dark, burning orange stated bluntly. I turned to look at the alien. It swung its head around on its snake-like neck, and stared at me. I frowned with wide eyes, licking my lips nervously. "What is such a creature doing in a brawl like this? A refined, elegant beast of the stars, with powers beyond mere mortals, simply squatted in this dungeon flinging excrement at others?!" "Well, these idiots aren't going to learn anything by themselves," ash55 retorted.

"Only the Light, the Word, the Truth of God can show us the Way!" the fur-clad boy, WB Wolves, hissed through gritted teeth as he squatted before getting up and launching more faeces at the tartan-clad man. "Continue to insult Christianity, Tartan, and you will be banned." The tartan fellow clicked both of his fingers and pointed both his fingers at Wolves in a friendly manner. "You forget yourself, dear fellow, we aren't in BiC right now: I can say whatever the -blam!- I want about your silly little fairy-tales." I turned to my left at the feeling of a presence there, and discovered a muscular man in black and white, clad in chainmail armour and a helmet, stood beside me. "That's not entirely true, Tartan: it has to be relevant to the discussion at hand, not to mention polite." "Pfft, tell that to rac," Tartan snorted, balling up some more brown in his hands before hurling it towards Wolves. "Crazy, genocidal, invisible men do not dictate how this group is run." The man beside me, Telec, held up a hand. The brown lump stopped halfway across the room, and, as Telec closed his hand into a fist, the form squelched as if crushed by an invisible force, and plopped to the floor. "No," Telec said. "But I do, and I told you to behave." He turned to me. "Are you really intent on sticking this out, or would you prefer to see a real debate?" I turned back to the room, glanced between the two sides. "I was going to have Yax and Monochron on this side too, and Impurity over there," Tartan murmured. "That sounds very fair," Wolves returned. "3 against 4." "Hey, there's you and King on that side," Tartan winked. "I would not recommend breaking the fourth wall quite as much as you are, dear Tartan," King said. "Was this not to be a satire of serious tone?" "You're just adding to it," Tartan pointed out. "No," Wolves said, "you are." Tartan considered this for a moment. "...Silence, you small-minded sheep!" He flung more excrement at the opposing pair. I turned swiftly to Telec. "Let us depart."

Telec nodded, a small grin of approval on his lips, and guided me back out of the room, leading me down the vast, black-walled corridor down which I had previously come. "So this is The Black Chapter?" I asked. "Yep," he replied. "The place for discussion of all things that would get you banned in the public forums. ...Within reason. Probably shouldn't talk about -blam!-." "-blam!-?" "Oh that's right, that damn filter." Telec paused for a second. "Well, nothing too, uh, naughty." We continued through the vast, echoing vaults until coming to another door. There was something of a more civil hubbub coming from within, greater in volume but with less screaming than the previous chamber. Curious, I peered in. "10% unemployment," a large black man was calling from a stand at the back of the hall, clad in a fur coat and a brimmed hat with a gold chain on it. A large cigar waggled from his lips as he smoke, a large dollar sign forming out of the smoke. "Downgraded forecasts. Housing market still in the crapper. A failed stimulus which would've been enough to eliminate the income tax for the entire year. Record deficits. And a partridge in a pear tree. Four more years. Four more years."

There was a roar, a mixture of approval and discontent, through the chamber, and several members stood up. Floating above the crowd was a pale, thin figure richly adorned, on a metallic chair, a Prophet from the Halo series; Alvah Alef. "And saving the American automobile industry from ruin, which would have made things ever worse if it hadn't been bailed out." A tiny blue ball of metal, Pocket Syndrome, spun from the crowd to join it, projecting an image onto the opposite wall. "[url=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_68dc2X9bOzA/TLd_xRjcpWI/AAAAAAAACZU/T-go-2xXjHs/s400/path+to+recovery.bmp]jobs?[/url]" Near the end of the room where the black man had argued his case, another man stood up. His simple dress disguised a certain aura of authority and knowledge in his gait, face and voice. He looked up at the black man. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NAKED N00B 10% unemployment. Downgraded forecasts. Housing market still in the crapper. A failed stimulus which would've been enough to eliminate the income tax for the entire year. Record deficits. And a partridge in a pear tree. Four more years. Four more years.[/quote]The depressing thing is that if the Republicans had been in office things would have been worse. Shame they're not letting inflation run a little high, focussing on jobs or bothering to deficit spend on investments. The record deficits are almost entirely to do with reduced revenues and increased demand for Medicare and safety net programs, and the stimulus was always too small." The black man on the stand frowned down at the first man, then at the floating sphere with the blue light. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Pocket Syndrome [url=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_68dc2X9bOzA/TLd_xRjcpWI/AAAAAAAACZU/T-go-2xXjHs/s400/path+to+recovery.bmp]jobs?[/url][/quote] [url=http://doyle.house.gov/Employment%20Job%20Growth%202011%20Jan.jpg]Your graph is a little deceptive[/url]," he began. "One might assume that job growth would continue at an increasing rate. I think it's better to give the most up to date information. Unfortunately, none of those months of growth have even been able to keep up with the increase in the working population due to simple population growth. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Primum Agmen The depressing thing is that if the Republicans had been in office things would have been worse. Shame they're not letting inflation run a little high, focussing on jobs or bothering to deficit spend on investments. The record deficits are almost entirely to do with reduced revenues and increased demand for Medicare and safety net programs, and the stimulus was always too small.[/quote] Partisan hackery. I have no problem with defecit spending for investment purposes. Infrastructure, education, even R&D, I think are the responsibility of the government. However, at some point you have to look at the stimulus as simply wasteful spending. There is a way to pump enough money into the economy to get it started, but is it cost effective? Would it really be better to spend over a trillion dollars on 'shovel ready projects' which weren't shovel ready or poorly managed grants to the state than it would be the simply eliminate the income tax for a year? That disposable income would be spent. It would spark economic activity." [Edited on 07.07.2011 11:38 AM PDT]

Kewl.

Let me just get in on some of this action...

Another figure suddenly stepped into view, a pixelised jester, a large grin on his face, holding up a marionette: racooon. "[url=http://crookedtimber.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/fiscalconservative.png]You're absolutely right, NAKED NOOB, what we need is more fiscal conservatism![/url]" N00b turned to the jester and pointed his finger accusingly, asking several questions about the chart now displayed on the wall. The hall erupted in a buzz of discussion amongst the members, including an apparently sentient large red seashell named Alpha Prime, anther floating metal sphere, this time with a white light rather than a blue, and dark blue metal casing called Armatik, Rhea, the very same scantily-clad, Helghast-helmet-wearing woman that I had seen emerge from the volcano earlier on the flood plain, a man in a white lab coat, a large, pulsating cranium on his shoulders and the badge saying 'PhD' pinned to his chest, a fellow called elmicker, and what appeared to be the capital of Iceland, Reykjavik, as viewed from space. After a while, Telec also stepped forward to join the argument. I also spotted Major Richard shouting from behind a large crowd of collectivists, attempting but seemingly failing to be heard. I assumed he had followed Rhea. racooon had begun laughing. [quote]I don't trust any government organization telling me about how good the government's plans are.[/quote][quote]Probably a better scoring is from Dept. Of Labor statistics combed through by the Republican­s[/quote]You Are Hilarious." He shook his head, chuckling heartily with his eyes closed, before turning away, towards the door, next to which I was stood. "Oh my god, what a bunch of morons." He looked at me, tears of laughter in his eyes. "Your turn." He put a hand on my back and pushed me forwards. I stumbled into the centre of the chamber, surprised. Above me, the lights blinded my eyes as I looked around at all the faces, the voices stunned to silence and a multitude of eyes, millions in the case of Reykjavik, all on me.

Love your portrayal of Telec. XoXo

On the chair above, N00b took a drag on his cigar and puffed the smoke out, forming a dollar sign, as well as the face of George Bush. "What about you, man? What do you think? Do you trust their judgment? I don't." "Well," I began, uncertain of my position on the matter, "I believe that..." N00b and Primum Agmen frowned at me with curiosity, their eyes wide with an inquisitive encouragement. Elmicker was chuckling to himself. "....there are certain matters on which we should dwell deeply before taking firm action," I proposed with feigned confidence. Elmicker sat back and waved a hand. "He's talking bollocks, get him out of here." I held up a finger, making my point. "Firstly, .....can we...... " The crowd began to pay attention as I deliberated over the beginning of my argument. "............ever..... " People's eyes widened with anticipation. Chair arms were gripped. ".....[i]really[/i]......" Tension held the room like an iron vice. People's hands were on the hearts, their faces contorted with the feeling of a rapidly quickened pulse. "........" Someone coughed. "....think?" "Yeah, ok," Primum nodded, looking down at a sheet of paper in front of him. "You can go." "But I-"

A hand placed itself upon my right shoulder, and I turned to look at the figure to my right. Alas, I was deceived, and the trickster was actually stood to my left. It was Tartan. He winked at me. "I assume, judging from your reaction to that..." He waved his hand effeminately at the assembled crowd, "that you're way out of your league here. Whyn't'cha come along to my group and have a relaxed time there?" "What is your group like?" I asked curiously. "I do hope it is less intense and formal than this dungeon of intellect." "Well, seeing as it is [i]my group[/i]," Tartan emphasised, stretching his chequered suspenders before letting them snap back to his chest. "Ow, then I think you'll find it pleasantly doolally." I frowned at the madman, who broke into a wide grin. "First time I've said that in years, if ever: doolally." "What was it that Wolves and King were saying to you before, about breaking the fourth wall? Is it you who controls this world?" "What, Bnet?" Tartan laughed heartily. "Don't be ridiculous." "And you are leading me to your own group now?" "Well," Tartan acknowledged with a raised eyebrow. "I am a self-promoting arsehat. Shamelessly so. I'll post a link to [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=17207937]Hola[/url] at any given opportunity. Now, to the Corner with you."

What the...brb going to read the great wall.

[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Tartan 118 bright pink fox that was DabilahroNinja[/quote]I'M A CAT, DUDE, GET IT RIGHT

Descriptions of the setting and characters seem pretty rushed, I mean, you'd have to be from The Flood to understand any of this. Other than that, it's pretty good.

[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Teh Vault Boy Descriptions of the setting and characters seem pretty rushed, I mean, you'd have to be from The Flood to understand any of this.[/quote] [quote]you'd have to be from The Flood to understand any of this[/quote] That was the intention. ;)