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8/29/2017 6:42:41 AM
4
This was a pretty cool intro, and the writing is good, but a couple things disconcert me. I don't know if you purposely ignored this fact but Guardians don't remember their pasts like that. (Also Fallen don't have red eyes)
Again I don't know if you want this to be as lore accurate as possible or have things changed up a bit, but the Fallen didn't arrive until after the Collapse (although that image of the Fallen Walker busting in was amazing)
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Oh, I thought that the collapse was partly thanks to the fallen. Thanks, and I'll try to change that up. (It was a little bit a big part of the dtory, tho). And haven't there been cases where seeing some sort of object from the gaurdian's past surfaces some memories? Please correct me if I'm wrong.
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The Collapse was mostly caused by the Vex and the Hive took the Moon, although supposedly the Darkness itself might have had some presence and there could always have been other things we don't know about. But it's certain that the Fallen arrived right after the Collapse Some Guardians do get fleeting glimpses of their pasts, but it's normally not anything truly substantial
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Okay, thanks. I probably can't change it (cuz plot) but thanks for letting me know.
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Yeah dude you can leave the Fallen and stuff there, it really is awesome to have. We can consider this a timeline of Destiny where things go down a bit differently ;) Plus it's a fanfic so who cares anyway lol
