Had the problem of not being able to join also. Fixed so far, had a computer bud who told me just swap out router. So we used a old net gear one sitting around and it worked. The router that for what ever reason wasn't working was a linksys e2000. So we swapped it out for a netgear Ac 1750. It has been working no issues so far. Hope that helps, all these issues did start after a recent patch.
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Ah yes the idea of getting a better router has crossed my mind several times even outside of Destiny. However unfortunately with the ISP that we have we are stuck with their default model for fiber connection, as the telephone and television is only supported if we use their gear... But yeah as I replied to someone else, I'm just simply using my cellphone's 4G from now on while playing with my brother. I hope this gets fixed before RoI