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OffTopic

Surf a Flood of random discussion.
Edited by dtrain (Timelost): 8/30/2015 4:52:08 PM
9

Is Talos real?

No, and neither are the other divines.

13

No, but the other divines are.

6

No, but Tiber Septim was real.

5

Yes, you Imperial dog. Praise Talos!

41

Yes, and I'm going to post Heimskr's whole speech.

8

Khajiit does not care, but does this one want to buy some skooma?

27

Just wanted to see how many of you are so dense that you still believe what your mommy told you about Talos.
English
#Offtopic #parody

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  • My friend my friend, do not worry about gods and their legitimacy, ja'rak has good skooma for great deals.

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    1 Reply
    • Edited by Talos Stormcrown: 9/14/2015 2:13:22 AM
      Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you." Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine! For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever! Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as man! Trust in me, Whiterun! Trust in the words of Heimskr! For I am the chosen of Talos! I alone have been anointed by the Ninth to spread his holy word!

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    • Hist is cooler

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    • Elves just mad cause a human did what they've been trying to do for generations.

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    • Ask our lord Hermaeus Mora. He knows all.

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      • When you approach him for conversation, he will greet you with things like: "You have come! You have come to hear the word of Talos!", "The truth, child of Talos, is that the Dragon's children have come! To purge the world in fire and righteousness!", "There are those who would silence the Dragon's truth! But not I! Not Heimskr! His word will be known!", "He has returned... Oh, how Talos has returned. Helgen has been purged in his light. Will Whiterun be next?", and "The Imperials silence us because they fear us! They are cowards! Cowards and fools who have forgotten the truth!" Ending conversation with him will have him say either: "May Talos guide you. Always." or "Stay vigilant! Our enemies are legion!" Should you ask him what he can tell you about Talos, he will reply, "Hello, my friend! If you seek knowledge about mighty Talos, you have most certainly come to the right person." He will then go on to elaborate on the Ninth Divine: "In mortal life, Talos was a Nord possessed of unmatched tactical skill, limitless wisdom and the power to see into men's hearts. Talos mastered the power of the Voice, and with it he united the lands of men into a great Empire. In southern lands, he was known by the name Tiber Septim. Here in Skyrim, we honor him by his proper Nord name. So great was his reign in life, when he ascended to the heavens he was made lord of the Divines. If you want to know more, I'm sure you can find any number of tomes on the subject."

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