"Dark humor is like food...not everyone gets it."

Did you hear about the girl who was so keen on road safety that she always wore white at night ? Last Winter she was knocked down by a snow plough Did you hear about the idiot who sat up all night wondering where the sun had gone? The next morning it dawned on him. Did you hear about the man who drove his car into the lake one night? He was trying to dip his headlights. Did you hear about the night-owl who installed a skylight so he could watch the stars? The people in the room above were furious . . . Did you hear about the wolves all-night party? It was a howling success! Doctor, doctor, I have trouble getting to sleep at nights. Lie on the edge of the bed - you'll soon drop off. How can you go without sleep for seven days and not be tired? Sleep at night. How did Noah see in the dark? By ark-lights and flood-lights!. How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night? He used a skeleton key. How did the glow-worm feel when it backed into a tree? De-lighted. If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night? Nitrogen! I've been on my computer all night! Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like everyone else? Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ? Two dozy drunks were staggering home one night. One looked up and said: 'Is that the sun or the moon?' I don't know, 'said the other. 1 don't live round here either.' What animal has wooden legs? A timber wolf. What dance can you see in the night sky ? The moon walk ! What did Mrs Wolf say to Mr Wolf? 'The baby's howling again.' What did one bat say to another? 'Let's hang around.' What did one glow-worm say to the other when his light went out? 'Give me a push, my battery is dead.' What did one shooting star say to the other? 'Pleased to meteor.' What did the big star say to the little star? 'You're too young to go out at night' What did you call a dinosaur that keeps you awake at night ? Bronto-snore-us ! What do bats do at night? Aerobatics. What do call a clever glow-worm? A bright spark. What do cats eat for supper? Mice Crispies. What do cats read every night? Evening mewspapers. What do vampires do every night at 11 o'clock? Take a coffin break. What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night ? Russell ! What do you call the longest night of the year ? A fortnight ! What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ? An animal that puts you out a night ! What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A very long strip-light that can squeeze you to death. What do you get if you cross a wolf with a cockerel? An animal that howls when the sun rises. What fish swims only at night? A starfish. What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth ! What game do cats play at night? Trivial Purr-suit. What holds the moon up? Moon beams. What is an astronomer? A night watchman with a college education. What is further away, Australia or the Moon ? Australia, you can see the Moon at night ! What is the latest thing in dresses ? A nightdress. What is the longest night of the year? A fortnight. What is there more of the less you see? Darkness. What kind of car do wolves drive? A Wolfswagen. What makes a glow-worm glow? It eats light meals. What makes the moon pale? Atmos-fear. What time is it when a knight looks at his belly button? It is the middle of the night (knight). What was Camelot famous for? Its knight-life. What was the most dangerous time for knights? Nightfall (knight fall). What would you get if you crossed a bat with a magician? A flying sorcerer. What's big and bright and silly? A fool moon. What's it called when a vampire kisses you good night? Necking. What's the difference between a wolf and a flea? One howls on the prairie, the other prowls on the hairy. When do banshees howl? On Moanday night. When does a bed grow longer? At night, because two feet are added to it. When is the moon heaviest? When it's full. When was Rome built ? At night. Why did you say that ? Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day ! Where are starfish found? In a planet-arium. Where can a rabbit get a great night's sleep? On a bed of lettuce! Where do American wolves live? Hairizona. Where do cows go on a Saturday night ? To the moo-vies ! Where was the cat when the lights went out? In the dark. Which stars go to jail? Shooting stars. Who's tall and dark and discos all night long? Darth Raver. Why are false teeth like stars? They come out at night. Why are wolves like cards? They come in packs. Why can't it rain for two nights in a row? Because there is a day between. Why did my dad have his sundial floodlit? So he could tell the time at night. Why did the dog sleep so poorly? By mistake he plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept popping out of bed all night! Why did the man take a bag of oats to bed at night? To feed his nightmares. Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night ? He was a numbskull ! Why did your brother go to night school? Because he wanted to learn to read in the dark! Why does Father Time wear bandages? Because day breaks and night falls. Why is a cat longer at night than in the morning? Because it's let out at night and taken in again in the morning. Why was night baseball started? Because bats like to sleep in the daytime. Why was the glow-worm sad? Because it didn't know if it was coming or glowing. You must take things quietly at night. I do, doctor, I'm a cat burglar!' Your cough sounds better today! It should, I practised all night!

Did you hear about the 9 year old African boy? [spoiler]he's going through a mid-life crisis[/spoiler]

My grandfather died in at a concentration camp [spoiler]he fell off the watch tower.[/spoiler]

What did the kids with no arms and legs get for Christmas? [spoiler]Cancer[/spoiler]

What do you do after ràping a deaf and mute girl? [spoiler]Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone[/spoiler] What did the nàzi child get for christmas? [spoiler]An easy bake oven and a G.I.Jew[/spoiler] How did 15 Jewish clowns fit in a car? [spoiler]4 sat in the seats, the rest sat in an ash tray.[/spoiler] Why did the red neck cross the road? [spoiler]His dick was still in the chicken[/spoiler] What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? [spoiler]You stop milking a cow after ten years...[/spoiler]

What's red and screams a lot? [spoiler]a skinned baby in a bag of salt[/spoiler]

Three hunters (completely drunk/stoned) are arguing with each other over what made some unknown tracks. 1st guy: A deer made them, can't you see?! 2nd guy: Ah get stuffed, it's obviously a cow of some sort! 3rd guy: Hey fellas, I think a truck made these... Tragically, the hunters were still arguing when the train hit them.

Well its not a joke but this conversation happened for me. *me*Hey, I saw a dude on psn named iPlanned911 *friend*did I walk in at the wrong time *me* that's what the people inside said

What's the saddest thing in the world? [spoiler]putting a blind man in a circular room and tell him his dinner is in the corner [/spoiler]

What's the difference between a gun and a baby [spoiler]when you shoot a gun it makes a noise. When you shoot a baby it stops making noise.[/spoiler]

I took my 25-year old wife out to dinner last night. Everyone kept calling me a pedophile. It completely ruined our 20-year-anniversary.

Hitler said " holy shit, look at the gas bill"

What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? [spoiler]Michael Phelps can finish a race.[/spoiler]

I have some racist jokes. They're all a bit dark. Why can't a T-rex clap. because it's dead.

A man is out Hunting with his friend. The man's friend falls and the gun goes off shooting him in the chest. The man calls 911 and he tells them what happened. The operator then tells him "Go and check your friend to see if he's dead." The man puts his phone down on the ground and it goes quite for about a minute. The operator then hears a gun shot over the phone and the man returns. He then asked what next?

"I don't know else to tell you, but you have 10 to live." "10 what?! Years? Months??" [b]"10...9...8..."[/b]

Ok this is from my friend and it's really bad so here it goes: What's harder than walking through a field of dead babies? [spoiler]my erection [/spoiler]

Ever have Ethiopian food? [spoiler]neither have they[/spoiler]