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Edited by Mr Swoogity:
8/25/2015 2:26:39 PM
759
Hardest you've rekt/burnt someone?
When I was walking my grandma's dogs along the beach, I saw a girl from school I hated and the two dogs went apeshit on her, so I accidentally dropped the lead and after a good 5 minutes of them chasing her down the beach, I pick up the lead and say "Sorry, they're bred to catch rats." I then proceed to skip home and sip hot chocolate.
[b][i][u]NEW SUBMISSIONS[/u][/i][/b]
You can now tell us the funniest (naughty) thing you've ever done.
It's a long story, ask for full story if you want but we basically bought 10 condoms from a dispenser in a restaraunt bathroom and blew them up [spoiler]Kaboom [/spoiler] like ballons and stuffed them in a stall
We have 911 posts
Another rek is
"I dont have the time, nor the crayons to explain that to you
1k lmao
English
#Offtopic
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1 ReplyI was in science class today. My teacher hands a pile of papers to the first person in my row. She's supposed to take one and pass the rest down, but she's to busy talking with someone next to her, so I say "It would be great if you can pass the rest of us those papers." All of a sudden she starts talking about my attitude and how sarcastic I am (I naturally have a tone of voice that appears to be sarcastic) so she continues, as the hole class is listening, I stop her in the middle of a sentence and say "You should hear your bitching voice before you talk about anyone else." The hole class lit up like Christmas. She tells the teacher to give me a referral, but I told her she got what was coming to her. My teacher was still laughing and saying aloud about how it's so true.
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3 RepliesThere's this grill that me and my friend like. Ok? Turns out she likes me and we start having a thing together. My friend ends up being really pissed. One day we get into an argument and he's being really salty. He ends up saying "Matt, you can go -blam!- yourself!!!!" To which I reply "I don't have to anymore ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )" he sat there breathless and I felt triumphant. Still feel like a jerk though lol
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11 Replies[spoiler]Because you opened this. you will get kissed on Friday by the person you love or like. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Do not break this chain. You have 2 minutes this is not a fake...apparently. Forward this to 15 people in the next 15 minutes and you WILL have the best day of your life tomorrow. You're number one crush will either KISS, ask you out, or call you. If you break this chain, the little girl named Kaitlyn who died 2 years ago on a car crash will be in your room TONIGHT! Good luck <<3, and your time starts, right know No Cheatin Haha[/spoiler]
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2 Repliesmy teacher said I shouldn't like a certain grill. I said "remember when I asked for your opinion? yeah me neither" detention was worth it
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8 RepliesThis kid called me retarded because I wear glasses and I can't see anything and *ultimate savagery incoming* I replied " i can see good enough to know your a Moron "even the teacher laughed
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64 RepliesRandom kid: Can I have a pencil? Me: No Random kid: Yes you do -blam!-. No, I don't. Stop talking to me shithead. Random kid: BOIII GET UP AND FIGHT ME RIGHT NOW I DO 100 PUSH UPS A DAY BOI I CAN KICK YOUR ASS! Me (starting to get annoyed): I can literally rip your asshole in half kid. Random kid: BOI YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME BOIIII GET UP AND FIGHT ME SQUARE UP!!!!!!111!!!!!11 Me (getting up and popping my knuckles): Shut the f*ck up you little scumbag! You are the dumbest mother f*cker on the face of the f*cking earth! The longest and hardest thing you ever did next to sucking dick for money was 1st grade you crayon-eating window-licking mouth-breathing bag of shitwater! He shitted himself when I got up and he noticed I was 6'4 and built like a f*cking tank.
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Someone who I absolutely despised told me that their parents got divorced so I replied with[spoiler] [b][i]so your moms single?[/i][/b][/spoiler]
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2 Replies>Kid at school: "You going trick or treating?" >Me: "Meh, nope." >Kid: "Wow, your lame. What happened, you couldn't get a costume?" >Me: Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween, but I can't fit several dicks in my mouth." >Kid is silent and walks off. Looking like he just took a bite out of a shit sandwich. Officially rekt. >High-five my friends Another time. Different kid being a dick to people. >Be me >This kid is being a bitch to my friend >Come in to save the day >Kid tells me to fu[i]c[/i]k off > I say to him, "Easy, hot tits. And be careful! Large amounts of sodium isn't good for you! >Kid realises that sodium is salt >Figures out I called them salty >My friend realises that too >Friend says to kid, "Apply cold water to burned area" >Kid pisses off. >Rekt
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3 RepliesSomebody-What are THOOOOSEEE?? Me-Better looking shoes you can't afford.
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1 ReplyA girl in my class said that a men's job is to mow the lawn and rake so I responded with and a women's job is to clean and cook
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1 ReplyCasual Halo Harcore Guy: You're dick has a size of a mentos Me: That's why your gf has a fresh mouth B)
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21 RepliesEdited by dpghut: 8/11/2015 9:36:14 PMI changed a setting on my mum's laptop, but she didn't like it. She was in one of those moods parents often get into. When she asked why I changed her resolution settings, I told her it was to make it more efficient. She asked me to change it back. After a small fight, I storm away, somewhat mad. She yells, "YOU SON OF A BlTCH!" I reply, [spoiler]"HELL YEAH I AM!" [/spoiler] Was grounded for a week, but so worth it.
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7 RepliesI was playing BO2 and some guy was trolling this one guy using an elmo voice It went something like this Guy:Your shit dude Elmo guy:Yea shitting from your moms crappy cooking Guy: Stfu my mom died in a car accident Elmo: yea im the one that hit her I was almost crying from laughter
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I got a mercy rule against a team of all flawless players in destiny and sent this to the guy in first: Keep both hands on the controller, or each other's d*cks. You clearly can't do both.
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18 RepliesEdited by Sexy D Bacon: 8/15/2015 5:12:27 PM(in mall near the boonies evidently) Me: Stares at woman woman: What the hell are you looking at?? Me: Ive been trying to figure that out for the last 5 minutes. (her boyfriend turns around) Me: Fūck.
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5 RepliesFgt: you're adopted Me: b[b]itch[/b] please, i was chosen
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2 RepliesA Hardscoper: what would you do if I -blam!-ed your mom Me:we'd be even [spoiler]( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)[/spoiler]
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5 RepliesSo. I posted something on the forums. This kid, whose name was yoloswag, called me a fatass. I made a comment on how he was 10. He then said, Nice Comeback, it looks like you're the 10 year old. I responded, I'm not 10, because my name isn't YoloSwag, and I don't call people on the Internet Fatass for having an opinion
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9 Replies>be me >6th Grade >fat >I walk into my second hour science class >kid walks up to me and calls me Yogi Bear >"Too many picnic baskets" he says as he pokes my gut. >normally I ignore him. >I take a seat >same kid sits in front of me >shit.gif >teacher walks in and says >"Alright, did you remember our test today?" >I hear whispers saying "dammit" >teacher hands out copies of test >I get mine >looks easy enough. >kid in front of my says he expects me to do it for him >I say "Gladly." >I take his paper >purposely write everything wrong a i write everything right on my paper >test is over >I get a 28/30 >he gets 0/30 >class is over >as I pass by his desk I say >"Smarter than the average bear motherfüćker." >he looks at me in disbelief and confusion >mfw [spoiler]This didn't actually happen, I actually heard this story on YouTube.[/spoiler]
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17 RepliesSome prick streamer who was getting phone calls about 9/11 GTA dlc said 3 million died in it. Called in and told him about 3,000 died actually. Entire stream chat was composed of rekts for a couple minutes. My dick felt pretty damn big during that.
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5 RepliesBack in high school some chick who was being a bitch that day was talking about how there were a few calories in a teaspoon of semen, and I turned to her and said "at the rate your sucking and swallowing, you'll be as fat as katelyn in a couple weeks. (Katelyn was 5'0 and about 230 or so, a real chunker) I said this in front of my teacher and he just laughed.
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1 Reply> Be me > Ceramics class > Retard turns to point at something with needle tool as I walk by > Stabbed.jpg > Make no noise > Pull it out > Look like a pimp > Guy freaks out says sorry and shit > "It's okay at least I get to tell my friends I was stabbed by an inbred today" > SupaHotFiah.flac
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4 RepliesEdited by Kilerdrake: 8/6/2015 1:47:36 PMA smexy girl in my class (fkin whore) heard me and my friends conversation about feminisim (we were actually studying sociology) she said this to the whole class "men are such ass holes, they take everything and leave nothing and are really selfish just like you, fuk you!" I replied "bitch don't quote 300 get out of here this is my swamp" Needless to say I got a 250 word letter to write about equality.
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Edited by Toff: 11/18/2015 1:50:36 AMThere was a lorry next to where me and my friends were standing, I was meeting up with someone else and they didn't like him, but I wanted to hang around with him. One of my friends started cussing me and we were stood next to a lorry with a lion on it. Friend: "Look, it's Joe's mum." (Pointing at the lion, which was pouncing btw.) Me: "Yeah, she'd rip your fûcking head off." The end.
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1 ReplyMy friend is telling me a joke: My friend: why did the cat enter the store Me: to see your mom [spoiler]sorry I had to[/spoiler]
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K so thers a guy in year 12 with me (graduate in 2 days!) and the whole level was on camp. This guy is like 7 feet tall btw He pisses me off and i called him a giraffe. *akward silence ensues* Idk why but all me m8s shit themselves laughing after that.
