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6/7/2015 12:17:54 PM
3
Your writing isn't bad, but could use some improvements in some areas. I feel that the excessive swearing doesn't fit in the Destiny universe, even in a band of soldiers/guardians such as these. Other than that, nicely done. Looking forward to reading the next one. Bump.
English
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Edited by BASTET: 6/7/2015 12:30:58 PMHey, thanks for the feedback! Glad my writing isn't bad. So far as improvements---this is already six months old. I'll link the new project I've been working on, and you can tell me what you think. Or tell me what you think by the end of this series which was seven parts I think. Probably seven. Because Bungie. Always appreciate feedback! Keep it coming. Glad you (sort of) enjoyed the read. ~Ricochet EDIT: Added link to new project. Enjoy! (Or don't, and tell me why.)
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I don't think it's the narrative that hits my ear the wrong way. I would surmise it's probably the dialogue. It's quite honestly a little too tongue and cheek. A little cheesy in the some areas. You're quite good at writing action, I'll give you that. I'm a novelist myself, and as a fellow writer, I find it is more important on focusing on what can be improved instead of staying that I simply 'liked it.'
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Haha well you can probably detect the tongue-in-cheek of my response then. It's usually firmly planted there. Since you're interested, the tone of the dialogue is a relic of where the characters come from---Bungie didn't give us a whole lot to go on so far as tone, so my forum posts are actually written as though the group of people I play with are story characters. The novel does not take precisely the same tone (aside from a character or two as a nod) but the pacing/feeling is different when transposed into a novel. This was written just to hold the attention of gamers, and as a bit of a love note to my team. All of the characters featured in my story posts aside from Narrative Dissonance are based on people I know/play with. And our snark reaches levels of cheese pretty often. It's awful. I totally get you on giving more feedback than 'liking' it. You have no idea how much I appreciate being able to really talk about the nitty gritty. Obviously you got my attention just by showing interest in a little more than whether or not it was fun to read. ALSO. You would be the first person, ever, to prefer my action over my dialogue. But I prefer writing action over writing dialogue. So I like you. Thanks again!
