[quote] On the rough, dusty surface of Delta halo's Quarantine Zone a flood jumped from a large jagged rock. [/quote] @Blackout: Don't be disheartened by the comments on here. It's how we 'writers' respond and grow and interact. But they are right. Your prose has an odd, uneven tempo that ruins the read itself. And your writing is largely descriptive -- almost like a TV guide. The above quote is a clear indication of the odd tempo. The sentence jumps into being from nowhere without offering context. My advice: Never start with description, always start with a question or something to make the reader wonder or query the outcome or even what might happen next. You could start it differently. See below for an example: [i] They were odd, thought Mike, and disgusting in every conceivable way; an assortment of puss-filled pustules and growths, with an assortment of limbs that defied every conventional skeleton. But Mike didn't have time to ponder. He was fighting for his life.[/i] This example provides something for the reader to think about. Any Halo fan would probably guess that I'm describing the Flood. But they don't know for sure. They'll want to make sure, and read on. Keep at it though. If you really want to write and improve, listen to critisism, no matter how harsh. So long as it is constructive. Read the novels and see how they are written. For you I'd start with an Eric Nylund Halo novel. They have great pace and are easy to read. You could even highlight paragraphs that you find interesting or exciting. Hope it helps.