JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

#fanfic

originally posted in:CentauriAlpha Fan Fiction
Edited by The Real Tweak: 3/5/2015 12:16:03 AM
2

"Weapons of the Light " Ep 1

" Weapons of the Light " Intro The rain began to fall harder as a dreg unaware what would soon happen stumbled over its own feet . Dominco blinked out of invisibility forced the dreg on its knees . Jayln lit a small sun in his hand the area around them was ten times brighter . Dominco clinched his fist and made a blade out of pure arc light , he sliced the dregs head clean of his shoulders to make an example to the rest of the fallen scouts . Zac one of the last American Titan began to complain that he had gotten ether all over his new boots . Jayln instantly quieted them "Shh" the warlock turned and grabbed a sword with one hand and disintegrated the vandals face with the other . Jayln said under his breath " idiot fallen " and turned back to the group " Now the real target Piramitaris , the Keeper ...." Part 1 " The Plan " The fire team of elite guardians huddle up around the dim lit fire . Jayln the leader of the team began to explain the plan " First the target you both know Piramitaris , the keeper , the legendary servitor as big as a devil walker . The room went silent Zac blurted out with a laugh " yea right !" Dominco gave his ghost the go ahead , he pulled up a picture of him and projected it onto the table . Zac's mouth opened up wide "shii" Jayln put a stop to it . Jayln began " ok Dominco you will hijack a fallen drop ship the closest one will be in about 0,400 ." He paused Dominco answered "How am I supposed to get in to it ?" Jayln replied " Get to high ground and jump on to it you will have to get in before it goes into hyper speed ." Zac was getting inpatient " What's my job ." Jayln sighed " Set up a defensive line while Dominco uses the drop ship to flank the fallen ." Jayln began to talk faster " alright let's get this started it's almost 0,400 ....." Dominco was silently stalking the fallen under the scope of his sniper . He finally heard the boom of a fallen drop ship , he put his sniper in his back holster and jumped and blinked before hitting the fallen ship without a sound . He began his job he he grabbed a dreg by its throat and pulled it up to the top of the drop ship .After he killed it he went in the same drop pod the the dreg had came out of . The two vandals flying the ship seemed to be laughing at a captain that was pushing a dreg around . Dominco walked up to them cloaked and stabbed one in the neck then shot his head off with his trusty hand cannon . The plan had started ...... Completely out of my imagination fan fiction that I was inspired to write because of CentauriAlpha and Helikaon . Tell me what you think and if I should write more . Hope you enjoyed .
English
#fanfic

Posting in language:

 

Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

  • Just proofread a bit more and try to shorten and vary sentence structure. Good start! [spoiler]id give more specific tips but I'm on my phone right now. I'll try to get on on my PC later[/spoiler]

    Posting in language:

     

    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

    1 Reply
    • Wow man that looks like a pretty good story so far! I'd say you'd need a tune up on some punctuation and as geyser said, some proof reading, but it's really good, also a lil shocked (and happy) that I inspired you because I'm writing my first story! Anyways, keep up the good work! :)

      Posting in language:

       

      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      1 Reply
      You are not allowed to view this content.
      ;
      preload icon
      preload icon
      preload icon