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Edited by Filthy Casual:
11/17/2017 5:07:32 AM
54
Give me all your Chuck Norris jokes
[Edit] I am getting loads of wonderful material. Keep 'em coming.
Chuck Norris has a diary. [spoiler]It's called the Guinness Book of World Records. [/spoiler]
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity and back twice.
Chuck Norris once went to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
Bigfoot claims to have seen Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch...he decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
If it looks like thicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says it's beef, it's beef.
Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can kill imaginary friends.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris can put out a fire with gasoline.
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, nothing appears. Because there will never be a second Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until they give him the information he wants.
Chuck Norris taught Ryu his Dragon Punch.
Mr. Miyagi waxes Chuck Norris' car.
Chuck Norris once shot down a fighter plane by pointing his finger and yelling 'bang'.
When Chuck Norris pays taxes, he sends in blank forms and a picture of himself. Chuck Norris has never had to pay any taxes.
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. EVER.
English
#Offtopic
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Pennywise’s worst fear is chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is in Freddy Kooger’s dreams
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Chuck Norris blew up the periodic table because the only element he knew was surprise.
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2 RepliesChuck Norris molested me.
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1 ReplyEdited by GhostCreeper99: 11/17/2017 2:10:22 AMThey are not jokes they are facts! When you spell Chuck Norris wrong in google it says run for your life.
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4 RepliesTrue fact - Chuck norris, born 10th march 1940 Hitler, died 11th march 1940
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1 ReplyWhen Chuck Norris shaves his beard, he doesn’t have a chin.....but another fist.
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Chuck Norris’ starter Pokémon was Mew.
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Edited by Toometh: 11/19/2017 8:14:22 AMChuck Norris pissed on a truck once The truck is now known as Optimus Prime
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2 RepliesThe Infinity Gauntlet is actually one of Chuck Norris's old work gloves that he threw away when it got some pieces of gravel stuck in it.
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Once Chuck Norris visited The Virgin Islands. Now they are called The Islands.
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Superman lost a fight to Chuck Norris, that's why he wears his underwear on the outside...
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3 RepliesWhen in Rome, they do as I do I can slam a revolving door Sharks have a week dedicated to me I went to see a psychic once, to warn her I gained the power to beat God by touching boobs I don’t get snowblind, the snow gets blinded by me Alcohol doesn’t kill my brain cells, it enlightens them I have a summer home on the Moon Aliens became advanced by studying me I know Victoria’s Secret I can do no handed pushups I fixed the glitch in the Matrix I beat Medusa in a staring contest When I dress nicely, I am not “fly”. I am levitation The Path the Enlightenment is actually my driveway I took down 5 attack choppers with a single throwing knife Whenever I stomp my foot, the earth moves slightly out of its rotation There are only 2 genders
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2 Repliesbest chuck norris joke: chuc... edit: This is my account now and i will leave this comment here as a warning. Have a nice day, Norris
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3 RepliesEdited by --KNIGHT--: 11/18/2017 1:04:53 AMDeath once had a near-chuck experience Chuck norris played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won
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Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon through a landline.
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1 ReplyJesus may have walked on water but Chuck Norris swims through land
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2 RepliesJean Claude Van Damme... Ba-dum-tis Wanna hear another? Steven Seagal... Ah-thank you.
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Chuck Norris’ English teacher asked the class to do a report on courage. Chuck Norris wrote his name on a blank piece of paper, handed it in, and got an A+. Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands... now they’re just called the Islands. Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug, it’s not dead, it’s just afraid to move. Chuck Norris peed in a semi truck as a practical joke, that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
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Chick Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it...
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2 RepliesEdited by OldboyVicious: 11/17/2017 8:18:51 AMChuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris made a deal with the devil for badass martial arts skills. Chuck Norris now owns the devil's soul, and the devil now has badass martial arts skills.
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1 ReplyA cop once pulled Chuck Norris over for speeding. The cop was lucky enough to get off with a warning.
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1 ReplyChuck Norris was supposed to be born on Febuary 29, but he trolled his mom and was born on March 10 1940.
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1 ReplyChuck Norris is the only person that can use scissors to beat rock.
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Chuck Norris peed on a semi truck once. It later became Optimus Prime. A snake bit Chuck Norris and after three days of agonizing pain the snake died.
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I'm afraid to. He might kick my ass.
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The devil makes deals with Chuck Norris
