It's been done before (And we're not just talking about those South Park kids or John Candy.) You know if it wasn't for Benedict Arnold (Yup, the traitor of later) losing a key battle in the Revolutionary War, Canada would probably be a part of the U.S. (But much like New Jersey, we probably wouldn't want it). Canada Has Stuff! First off, let's make Alaska actually connected to the U.S. again! Those Alaskan folks are always getting screwed by not being part of the "continental 48 states". Let's give them a nice little bridge downstairs. A little bit of farmland never hurt anything either, but forget the permafrost part. Canada is the second largest country in the world; let's fix that. If Christmas ever fails to come, the Canucks did it The magnetic north pole is within the Canadian border. We must protect Santa Claus! They're just a little too proud Perhaps if they didn't think it was so cool to live in "Diet America" we wouldn't need to invade them, but with people like this guy and these people thinking that Canada is the coolest thing since sliced bread, we need to do our part to keep them in their place. There's a reason the continent is called "North America" and not "North Canada". They stole our basketball teams Since when does the "N.B.A." stand for "Canadians Can Play Too". We need to get Vancouver and Toronto annexed into America to preserve the "N". They don't play nicely with each other There has been a secessionist movement for years. Quebec doesn't like other Canadians, and the feeling is pretty much mutual. We don't have that in the U.S... you know, there aren't any (Texas) big states (Texas) that think that they're better (Texas) than the rest of the Union (Texas). It's possible Why go to the moon? Because it's there. Same with Canada, it's just colder than the moon. How To Invade Canada? However you want! With the world's longest undefended border betwixt us, you've got a lot of options of where to cross! They want to make it easy for us The border is wide open, with usually less than a 10 minute wait at the border. But if you have a pot-luck dinner in the evening and need to be home early, the Canadian government is nice enough to keep us up to the minute with the wait times here so you can pack your panzer and move on out! The paths that we'll need to take: There will be four teams (Quite possibly Little League Teams if they don't already have a game scheduled that weekend) that will move into Canada using a system of "roads" and "railways". By spreading out, they can attack the most important part of Canada: Beavers. The Beaver defense network is vast, but not insurmountable. After turning them into warm yet stylish hats, the little leaguers will continue on by using the paths below: http://www.invadecanada.us/path4.gif Now you're probably wondering why not a five-pronged attack from the North as well? We're letting Canada keep the North. It will from now on be known as the smaller version of Canada, "Canadi" (Pronounced "Canadee"). The plan for the new border is below: http://www.invadecanada.us/boundries4.gif Let's not forget their defense force is somewhat less than credible... America Canada Armed Forces Budget: $276,700,000,000 $7,861,000,000 Manpower: 73,597,731 7,158,016 Best Ground Weapon: M-1 Abrams Tank "Mounties" Military Hero: Gen. MacArthur Dudley Do-Right Patriotic Music: Lee Greenwood Celine Dion Backbone: Fully Developed Missing Secret Weapon: Stealth Technology Rabid Beavers National Symbol: Our Flag. On everything. Their Flag. On everything. The surrender will come quickly, they're French after all... Let's not forget that not only do they speak French but a lot of them are. We should see white flags before we even leave home! Aftermath Welcome our funny-sounding countrymen! Now that Canadi is created, and the U.S. has taken on another state (We suggest calling it "Canada" just to piss of the Canadies that still remember their old country), we'll have a really big party. Quebec can hang out with the South, since they both have this nasty little secession gene apparently; and we'll let Toronto re-unite with Seattle live on Oprah. And finally, just for good measure, it's ZEE, no "Zed". Also know as, THE END. [b]EDIT:[/b]Canada is French, and we saw how fast they surrendered in WW2. Also, we did win 1812 (Even though Canada was still a colony, AKA Redcoat slave). Nobody won officially, it was more of a stalemate: -You burned down our capitol -We also burned down your parliament before -We won New Orleans -We repelled British invasions with little losses -You repelled our invasions, but at great costs; We looted and burned most of your southern border -The war was started over you redcoat scum kidnapping our sailors; after the war, you were scared of freedom and you -blam!-ed off And if you think we're losers, take a look at our insane amount of victories: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wars_involving_the_United_States