Just what it says, folks. In one month exactly, plaguelands will open, wolves will howl, axes will chop, fallen will splice, and iron will rise. But woe is thee, what is there for a Guardian to do in the meantime? Oryx is dead, the prison is plundered, and the Iron Banner has ended. Well, have no fear, for from the mind that brought you "Get it Off!" and "What Shaxx wishes he could say to Crucible Losers" comes... [b]LIST OF THINGS FOR YOUR GUARDIAN TO DO WHILE WAITING FOR RISE OF IRON [/b] * Actually take off your armor. Lounge around the Tower in a pair of cargo shorts and an oversized T-shirt. * Eat. Drink beer. Use the bathroom, for crying out loud. * Demand a Pizza Hut, a KFC, and a Starbucks in the Tower. * Sneak Cayde onto your ship a few times for some patrol missions. * Find some Fallen and demand that they tell you some jokes. * See if Vex really do make good hat racks. * Get Ikora some better hair. Maybe a rainbow curly wig. * Grab Ikora's Ghost. See if she Invectives you. * (Male Guardians) Tell Zavala he looks constipated. Offer him an enema. * (Female Guardians) Tell Zavala he looks uptight. Offer to "help him relax". * Sneak up on Eris while wearing an Oryx mask. Grab her from behind with a horrible loud shriek. * Find out if the Speaker wears his mask in the shower. * Draw a smiley face on the Speaker's mask. * Tie pink sparkly ribbons on Xur's tentacles. * Demand a fuschia, lemon-yellow, and aquamarine shader from Eva. * Go down into the City and buy a portable karaoke system. * Go to Hideo and sing "No More Kings". (the Schoolhouse Rock song) * Go to Arach Jalal and sing "There's No Place Like Home". * Find Lashmi-2 and sing "Give Peace a Chance". * March around the Tower playing "the Imperial March" wherever you go. * Find a bowling ball. Show it to the Traveler. Ask if they're related. * Invite the Nine to your birthday party. * Comm Rasputin. Ask if he wants to play Global Thermonuclear War. Or maybe he'd prefer a nice game of chess. * Do some research about why you can fly a billion miles to Saturn without incident, but you go a few yards the wrong way on Earth and you die instantly. * Drop pennies off the Tower. See what they do to passing pedestrians. * Have a beach barbecue. Spit-roast a Cabal Legionary. Find out if it really does taste like chicken. * Drink some of that stuff Vex have in their bellies. See if it's hallucinogenic. * While tripping on Vex juice, ponder if Hive have bellybuttons. * Find an archived copy of "Attack of the Clones". Watch it. Decide to clone Mara Sov. * Find out that clones enter the world as babies. Decide not to clone Mara Sov. She's hot, but not worth waiting 18 years for. * [Male Guardians] Ask Cayde if he can make you invisible long enough to scout out the female Guardians' dressing room. * Bungie-jump off the Tower. Then do it off the Reef. Then off the Dreadnought. * Discover a collection of Magic Sparkle Pony toys in the ruins of Earth. Start a Magic Sparkle Pony craze at the Tower. * Establish a new faction: the Sparkle Pony Pals. * Petition to rename the Last City "Sparkle Pony Mountain". * Design a Sparkle Pony Ghost shell, bright pink with multicolored glitter all over it. Ignore your Ghost when he complains about how embarassing this is. * Design the exotic Sparkly Ponyhorn rocket launcher. It's like the Gjallie, but it's mostly lavender and covered with brightly colored pony heads instead of wolves. * As the Sparkle Pony craze fades, rediscover Pokemon Go. Go all over the Cosmodrome looking for a Diglett. * Ask Cayde why you shouldn't shower with your Pokemon. Answer: "Because he'll Pikachu!" Run away before he can throw things at you. * Demand that Ikora give your Ghost a big hug for analyzing those energy field thingies. * Ask Zavala for permission to scout out Uranus. When he says yes, pull out a rubber glove and tell him to bend over. * While avoiding the Vanguard after these incidents, go to Venus and just find those "little files" Ghost is talking about. * Snipe at personal injury attorneys from the top of the Tower with your Ice Breaker. Agree to stop as soon as the gun runs out of ammo. * Give Eris your Light in the Abyss so she'll stop whining about the ship you blew up. * Donate the other ships you don't use to the Reef military. They, unlike you, know that ships are properly used for blowing up enermy ships. * Work with Holliday to design a new Sparrow, one that can travel over water. Guardian jet-skiing time! * Design another new Sparrow, one that has guns mounted on it. Dismantling a couple of Jabberhakkes should do the trick. * Create the new Twisted Metal SRL, which involves blasting as well as racing. * Infuse blue polyphage, etheric light, and radiant shards and blow a large smoking hole in the Tower. * Go find some wolves. Try to pet them. Realize that this "no petting the wolves" thing in Rise of Iron is probably a good idea. * Learn how to fly the Dreadnought and operate its big gun. Take it to the Cabal home system. Blow up a random moon. Tell the Cabal to stay far away from Earth, or you'll be back to blow up other things. * Learn to dual-wield Queen's Choices, John Woo movie style. * Go fly a kite. Sing the song from Mary Poppins. * On September 19 at 11:57 PM, find out in a surprise announcement that "Rise of Iron" will now only be offered for Playstation 5 and XBox Two. Sorry, folks! FOR TITANS AND HUNTERS ONLY * While playing Rift, shove a warlock into the rift, just to see what happens. * Suggest to Ikora that she rename the Warlock Order the 'Schlock Posse. * Install a "Crota's End" abyssal lamp in Ikora's quarters. * Put a bucket over Ikora's head, then steal all her stuff. Hey, it worked in 'Skyrim'. * Start a new club called G.R.O.W.L. - Get Rid Of Warlock Losers * Do a Tower production of "Annie". Have all the little girls played by warlocks. Eris Morn can be Sandy. EDIT 1. I didn't say it outright, but please feel free to add your own ideas! EDIT 2. Be sure to check out my story, "The First Crucible Session Ever", in the Gallery. Here's a link. https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/211524458?sort=0&page=0