Here's how [spoiler]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9Deg7VrpHbM[/spoiler]

You are what the Reverend Spooner would call a shining wit [spoiler]If you don't understand, Google "spoonerism"[/spoiler]

If my dog had a face like yours i'd shave its arse and make it walk backwards.

"Sir, you are drunk!" "And you, ma'am, are ugly; but in the morning, I shall be sober."

I had an argument with someone on my favorite minecraft skin-making community. They said "forget u idiot im gonna go to my other account". I said "I'm surprised your brain is big enough to remember your password!"

"And to think that out of all of those sperm [i]you[/i] were the fastest."

I researched your entire family tree and it seems you were the sap. You are so old, even your memory is in black and white. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about. You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing. Don't you need a license to be that ugly? I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving. I love what you've done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that? In the battle of wits you're an unarmed man. You're so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, you just gargled. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. You are living proof that God has a sense of humor. You inspired the slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless. You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate". One more wrinkle and you'd pass for a prune. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around? Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. I heard you went to a freak show and got in for free. Your family tree is nothing but a rest stop for dogs. You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You prefer three left turns to one right turn. You have a Teflon brain - nothing sticks. Don't go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know you've got a palm. You conserve toilet paper by using both sides. You're a dim bulb in the marquee of life. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back? When they made you, they broke the mold---and beat the mold maker. When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening. I fart to make you smell better. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair. I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard that you were a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of shock. If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. You think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. You are so stupid, when you heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, you went out. You are the reason God created the middle finger. You have the face of a saint. Saint Bernard, that is. All day I thought of you...I was at the zoo. Are your parents siblings? You thinks Taco Bell is where you pay for your phone calls to Mexico. To make you laugh on Saturday, I need to tell you a joke on Wednesday. You weren't fully debugged before being released. You call people to ask them for their phone number. You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. You may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! You're a few planets short of a Federation You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas. You're so dense, light bends around you. Your family wasn't dysfunctional until you arrived. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. You're so boring, your dreams have Muzak. You're so dumb, blondes tell jokes about you. The twinkle in your eyes is actually the sun shining between your ears. Your family tree is a tumbleweed. I'll hit you so hard by the time you come down, you'll need a passport and plane ticket back You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes. I hear the only place You are ever invited is outside. You're at least one Brady short of a Bunch. There is no vaccine against stupidity. I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi! I'd like to break the monotony; where's your weakest point? If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used. No, a polygon is not a dead parrot. Some people have called you a wit... They're half right ! Our friendship is like that of a dog to a fire hydrant. Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. You are so ugly they used to push your face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Sit down and give your mind a rest. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission. In the battle of wits, you fight unarmed. We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough. You are so ugly you could scare the moss off a rock! They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You're ski lift doesn't go to the top of the hill. Your head whistles in a cross wind. They say Will Rogers never met a man he didn't like, obviously he never met you. Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime. You are so ugly you could scare the chrome off a bumper! They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You are so dumb, you play solitaire...for cash. You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone. For those who never forget a face, you are an exception. You have signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent". You are so old, your birth-certificate expired. If stupidity hurt, you'd go through life on a morphine drip. You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine. If brains were dynamite, you would not have enough to blow your nose. I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet. I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. I wish your charm could be bottled--then a cork could be put in it. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high. I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals.

I particularly like: A lack of preparation on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine. Also: If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump down your I.Q..

I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

Ur kd is trash. Git gud scrub

Stay classy guardians.

[quote]like a sir[/quote] Was I called?

Not exactly a classy insult but uh, here ya go [quote]rudeness is a weak man's substitute for strength[/quote]

When I need advice from a loser, I'll make sure and seek you out.

...

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination. Why did I think of bungie when I read this?