I'm going to post again if that's ok. For some reason I find it easier to be compassionate towards strangers on here than people in my life, including my family. Maybe this is because I lack social awareness, so it's harder for me to show empathy towards someone in conversation. Online communication might give me more time to think. I also spend way to much time on here.

When I was in eighth grade I wrote a suicide note and gave it to the girl I had a crush on. I was kind of friends with her. We exchanged notes in math class, but I never really talked to her. I had also given her roses on Valentine's Day. I actually wanted to kill myself, and had figured out a crude way how. I was bullied a lot in school, even after this happened. I guess that day had been a bad day up until that point, thankfully I don't really remember this. Anyway, I was in science class when I heard a girl refer to me as "the kid who looks like he's pregnant." The girl I had a crush on laughed. I snapped. In the note I blamed the girl for what had happened in science class. I told her I was going to kill myself and that it was her fault. I put the note in her locker. Afterwards I forgot about it. The next day, I was called to the principal's office. Turned out the girl had taken the note home and showed it to her parents. Apparently she was really distraught. I had to meet with the guidance counselor because the principal had actually decided to give a -blam!- about me this time. They called my parents and my dad came in. I had to undergo psychological testing to determine whether I was really suicidal or not. Afterward they tried to make me go back to class as if nothing had happened. My dad told them no, and took me out of school for the day. We went golfing. Anyway, I'm not particularly comfortable sharing this. I'm paranoid that people I know will see it. But I wanted to put this out there and say that if anyone is experiencing suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide, please PM me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I want to help people who are in the place that I was that day. I've been through a lot of shit, so trust me, I can relate.

My friend had a bad heroine addiction and I tried really hard to encourage him to get clean, because he said he wanted to get away from it. I would pick him up from work and he would be so happy to tell me he hasn't used yet that day, then we would go back to my house to hang to keep him occupied but he would go into the bathroom and come out clearly nodding off because he just did some dope. If you don't know much about heroine ill tell you it's extremely addictive and you need to be patient with users trying to get clean, but as long as he wanted to get clean I wanted to help him and I did. Over time it started to really take a toll on me but I still tried because he's a really good person and good friend. Now another friend of mine (my best friend since 3rd grade) texted me one day saying my addict friend was asking him about where to find stuff. So naturally I ask the addict friend if this is true (in a very calm and nice way, I kept saying I just want the truth so I can help) but he denied it over and over. Eventually in the conversation I got sick of trying to get him to tell me the truth, because my best friend had no reason to lie to me about this. I just got fed up with all of the effort I put into helping him and then he would just lie to me the one person really looking out for him. We had a big argument and stopped talking. About 3 months went by and he never really left my thoughts, I would always say I'll check up on him soon and say I'm sorry for "abandoning" him when he was really in need of a good friend. Well then one day I got a call from my ex which was really weird, so I answer and she says it seems like you haven't heard... (Out of respect for my friend I won't use his real name)... John died. I can't even explain to you the emotions that rushed over me at that moment. I really thought it was a joke or she was lying or something so I got on Facebook and just saw all these posts saying rest in peace john. Then I knew it was real and just mentally beat myself up for not being there for him. What if I didn't start that argument? What If I kept trying to help him get clean? Maybe he would still be here today. I know it's not my fault he died, but I still feel like I could have done more for him, it fu*king sucks to know that he died thinking I hated him and I gave up on him. I won't ever have the chance to say I'm sorry like I wanted to. If anyone takes the time to read this and has a friend struggling with addiction or even bad depression I urge you to do all you can to lift them up and be there for them no matter what. You truly never know when you won't have the chance anymore. I'm only 22 and he was 20 when he died. It's been 9 months now and I feel really lost in life and just have this deep sadness inside. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, always be there for your friends no matter what. Don't ever give up because your light might be exactly what they need to get through the darkness.

I had a day off yesterday and masturbated 3 times, and yes there was some Star Wars parody shit in there.

I'm a cowboy[spoiler]on the steel horse I ride [/spoiler] I'm wanted[spoiler]dead or alive[/spoiler]

-hate myself -think about suicide every day -im gay -i watch gay porn -thats abt it i guess...

I was not impressed with the new star wars. Looked like a $500M ripoff of episode 4.

I feel bad that i watch porn when i have a girlfriend... i dont know why i just dont feel loyal if i watch it

I've eaten human flesh before. it tastes like chicken

My mom's first marriage ended when I was really little and I remember only a single fight or two. Then she married my step dad a year or two later. Then me, my brother and mom moved in with him and that's when the fights started. It started off pretty scarce but then it just kept happening more more. As a seven/eight year old, it's really a shitty environment. Finally, after like, nine years of the bullshit, my mom finally had enough and we moved out. I've never felt so relaxed. It's amazing not living with him. I hated him. But now, my mom is saying we have to move back in with him. I instantly felt terrible. I started to resent her and now I just can't talk to her without getting angry thoughts. The day I move out couldn't come sooner

My favorite face is the ^_^ face

It's so funny how so many people are vulnerable and how many things you could do, but you don't because rules. Example: Private school, cuss out teacher, public: kill people with your hands.

I'm short ._.

I have ASPD and am a high functioning Sociopath. Most people don't know, they just think I'm quiet overall. My GF knows and doesn't mind.