I just woke up and went downstairs to grab myself a nice pop tart for breakfast, but then I heard a bang at my door. I walked over to my front window, only to see an army of porches violating my door's privacy. I went upstairs, opened my window, and kindly told them to step off my door's mat, but they just spat in my face and refused. I was desperate at this point, so I sprinted to my garage to grab my porch repellent, ran back upstairs, poked a hole in the can, and yelled "FRAG OUT!" while the can shook violently, and forced the porches back. But then, I heard my door saying something. It was a faint "Doorist > all other religion" poem he typed up at doorists anonymous. I now realized why the porches attacked; my door was shoving false prophets and gods down their throats! I knocked down my door, drove to The Door Depot, and purchased another, black one. White doors, amiright? Always getting -blam!-in' starbucks on their mats and shoving their beliefs down other's throats. [spoiler]taste the mockery, taste the irony[/spoiler]