Please, now is the time where you should get a pen and some paper, take notes. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in the Dreadnaut, lies deej's secret layer. To open the door you need to follow 5 steps 1. Pay $40 for content you already own 2. Throw an extra $1.27 dollar at the TV 3. Dismantle all exotics 4. Get your lube ready 5. Get -blam!-ed in the ass buy Cosmo When you get inside the door they will have bandages to put on your gapping butt hole. Next there will be three alters that you must choose from 1. Taco Bell and a butt plug 2. A puzzle with no edges and missing 5 pieces 3. Suck deej's penis After that, deej will present you with an additional bonus for pre ordering the game. The bonus will only be useful for about 30 min before you get better gear. Once you pass you will be taken through the areas of the ship you have already been to 1,000 times. And finally you enter a dark room and the ghost of Crota gives you a jump scare. From there you find oryx passed out on the floor from the party he threw last night the queen is naked and covered in whipped cream. Oryx smells either the deej's cum or the Taco Bell and takes flight. You have a red bull left but you need to cleanse yourself with the coffee pot and make a red bull coffee. You fly up eye to eye with oryx. But then it hits you, you become super high and some how you end up beating oryx in go fish. After the effects where off you find out you won the ship in the game of Go Fish and you decide that the ship would be even cooler if you parked it in front of the tower, but as you approach the tower you realize you don't know how to stop it, you ask oryx for help but he's mad you beat him at go fish and ask deej to ban you. You fly full speed into the traveler causing an explosion that levels the last city. You wake up to see oryx is dead, but it came with a cost, you no long have the mad go fishing skills you once had. You climb out of the ship to find the destruction of the city. You take up a new hobby, drinking. Many drunk days past but then you realize, your friend atheon still owes you a favor. You enter the VoG glass and accidentally walk in on the Templar and Atheon. You ask for a three way. Alls great but then you slip off the side and get lost in the corners of time. You meet some guy named preydeth and he says that if you pay an additional fee of $20 you can leave. So when you finally get out you realize that you are still on the Dreadnaut but you lost your legs So from this point onward all non exo players are forced to be leg less or become exo. Hence rendering all guardians to be exo. When Xur come by the next time he is selling a new pair of legs and you buy it. You realize that there was a hidden fee of 50 cents. But you are broke. So Activision comes and takes your counsel and you are forced to become a slave of Bungie. But hey, you killed oryx

No, you.