Be me, an estute 22 year-old graphic designer. I figured I'd surprise my mother on her birthday today. I head to mother's house, and park my car off to the side so she doesn't see me. [b][i]I quietly enter her backdoor. [/i][/b] I creep around a corner, excited, with a party popper in my mouth, a party hat on, and her favorite wine in my hand, with a bow on it. But then, [i]disaster.[/i] I hear a noise, something I've never heard. Then I hear it again. I also notice the cat sounds pissed. [i][b]pchng... pchng pchng-MEEOWWW-pchng *growl*...[/b][/i] I peer around the corner and there stands my 45 year-old mother, completely naked, with a coffee pot in one hand, and spoons in the other. She's brandishing the coffee pot at dear Mittens, Mittens tries to run, but it's too late. Just as Mittens makes a break for the room I'm in, mother throws two more spoons at the cat, shouting [b][i]"PCHNG PCHNG!"[/i][/b] in the process. The spoons hit home. Mittens, wounded, rounds the corner and collapses at my feet. He gives me one more soulful look, closes his eyes, vomits and dies. This is when I decided to take my leave. Mother never knew I was there, and she certainly did not need more wine.