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11/4/2019 6:47:27 PM
24
The best home defense while you’re not home.
Step 1: acquire fog machines
Step 2:rig up fog machines to expel fog through vents should the alarm be tripped.
Step 3: set your burglar alarm to “Intruder Alert, deploying Sarin Gas in 5.. 4... 3.. 2... 1...”
step 4: have the fog machines expel the fog through the vents into the house
Step 5: ???
Step 6: profit
English
#Offtopic
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8 Replies“Alexa, intruder alert” Alexa will: -Turn off all the lights -Say “welcome to the rice field motherfücker” -Play Welcome To The Jungle, by Guns N Roses -Release claymore roomba
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live in the ghetto.
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4 RepliesEdited by TheKaijuGojira: 11/5/2019 9:02:15 PMIf they're trying to break through the window: set up a shotgun that pulls the trigger when the burglar pulls up the shades or shutters. If they're coming through the door, place a bow and arrow that is aimed at their stomach area. The opening of the door will let the arrow go and through the victim.
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2 words: Claymore roombas
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4 RepliesSarin is colorless.
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Step 1: Rig your alarm system to a mix of Music Disc 13 and Music Disc 11 Step 2: Burglar breaks in Step 3: Burglar trips the alarm Step 4: Profit
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1 ReplyEdited by GiantSlayer: 11/5/2019 3:04:03 AMNah, here’s how it ought to be done. Step one: Burglar enters house. Step two: Burglar Opens door to my room. Step three: I greet him with a Z-6 Rotary Cannon in hand and announce “You didn’t say please!” Step 4: [REDACTED IN CASE OF LEGAL ISSUES] Step 5: Sleep peacefully Of course, If I’m not there it would go like this.: Step 1: Burglar Enters house Step 2: Home security system detects Burglar. Step 3: Ambient Ewok noises start playing quietly through the speakers. Sounds of “Yub Nub” can be heard. Step 4: An Ewok BattleHorn sounds. Step 5: Release doggo dressed as Ewok while the real pet Ewok I captured* sneaks up from behind and finishes the job. Step 6: Tell the police he was trespassing and I was within my rights. *Note to self: capture an Ewok in the near future.
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Claymore roomba will never be defeated.
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Claymores or bouncing bettys Just put your tac insert somewhere safe
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Grenade bouquets at every door.
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4 RepliesWe've had the answer for a long time.
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https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/374/798/ac4.jpg
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6 RepliesDump legos on your floor
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Macaulay Culkin... Young or old.
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5 RepliesI've always been a fan of moats.
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1 Replythe best home defense is being broke and not owning nice things
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German Shepards
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Two words: electric fence. Repels intruders, and very amusing when your neighbor's dog tries to pee on it.
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1 ReplyOr just get a big dog
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Bouncing Bettys
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Edited by TheBudgieKing: 11/4/2019 10:46:12 PMThis is great, but you need to have the automated system also say... [spoiler]releasing french cannables...[/spoiler]
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49 RepliesGuard dog is cheaper, and way more likely to keep an intruder from intruding. Your method would end in a lawsuit for the intruder would have PTSD from the concept that they actually were poisoned by a lethal gas, and you would be liable for their rehabilitation, pain and suffering to the tune of a few millions dollars.
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[quote]Step 1: acquire fog machines Step 2:rig up fog machines to expel mustard gas through vents should the alarm be tripped. Step 3: set your burglar alarm to “Intruder Alert, deploying Sarin Gas in 5.. 4... 3.. 2... 1...” step 4: have the fog machines expel the fog through the vents into the house Step 5: ??? Step 6: get tried for crimes against humanity as a war criminal[/quote]
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8 RepliesgRoFIt!
