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Edited by Recon Number 54:
9/6/2014 1:55:30 AM
305
any good jokes?
A way to pass the time over the next few days is to exchange jokes! I'll start.
What did the buffalo say to it's son who was leaving for college?[spoiler]Bi son[/spoiler]
English
#Offtopic
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Women's rights [spoiler]am I right or am I right [/spoiler]
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2 RepliesEdited by ElectroHail: 9/5/2014 3:18:20 AMCall of Duty: Advanced Warfare
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2 RepliesWhat do you call someone who skipped out on church? [spoiler]Christian Bale[/spoiler]
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Three clowns walk into a bar, the sir down and a few drinks. Then at once they all walk into the bathroom. A while later one of the clown's walk out. The bar tender asked what took him so long. He said "I was blowing bubbles" Following the first the second one walks out. Bar tender ask him what took so long. He said "I was blowing bubbles" Finally the third one walks out and the bartender say let me guess you were blowing bubbles. He said "no I am bubbles"
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2 RepliesEdited by Boomdeyadah: 9/5/2014 3:32:37 AMConsole gaming.
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I think my grass is emo. [i]Why?[/i] [spoiler]It cuts itself[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesWhy are black people getting bigger?? [spoiler] Cause tv's are getting bigger![/spoiler]
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1 ReplyA fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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What is red and bad for your teeth? [spoiler] a brick [/spoiler]
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1 ReplyPeople.. You should all be able to do better than this . Hellen Keller was able to accomplish so much despite the fact the she was a woman ! Ya ya I'm a terrible person:D
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I've got two. [i]Ahem[/i] A pastor lives in a small village by the ocean. One day, a hurricane hits and the whole village begins to be swallowed up by the heavy rains. The pastor is sitting in his living room when a his neighbors come to the door. "Come with us, it's going to flood!" They shouted at him. The pastor shook his head, calmly. "I am not worried," he said, confidently. "God will save me." Knowing that they couldn't convince him, the neighbors ran for their lives. An hour later, the water began to flood the lower level of the house, and the Pastor had to move upstairs. Not long after that, a fireboat came to assist him. "Jump on!" They shouted. "It's only going to get worse from here!" Again, the Pastor shakes his head. "I am not afraid," he replied. "God will save me." Frustrated, the firefighters have to move on to save those calling for help. Another hour passes, and the Pastor has to move to his roof as the waters continue to rise. A small helicopter soon arrives to rescue him. "Climb aboard, the water is still rising!" The copilot shouted at him. The Pastor, again, shook his head. "I will be fine." He said. "God will save me." With no other recourse, the helicopter pulled away. By the end of the hour, the waters rose and the Pastor drowned. He came to his senses before the Pearly Gates. Upset at his death, he storms off to see God. "Why did I die?" He shouted. "I thought you would save me!" "It's not my fault!" God replied. "I sent three people to rescue you!" Joke two... A plane with seven people is crossing the Atlantic. There is the pilot, the copilot, the President, Lebron James, Albert Einstein (yeah, I know they all didn't live at the same time. So sue me), a Pastor, and a small child (God knows how he got onboard). The tricky issue is that there is only six parachutes, and sure enough the plane's engines sputter out and she begins to go into a death spiral. Without wasting any time, the pilots jump out with their parachutes, leaving five people to discuss over four parachutes. "I'm the President!" The President said. "I must lead my people, so I must survive!" He grabs a parachute, and promptly exits the plane. "I'm Lebron James!" Lebron shouts. "My career isn't over yet, so I can't die!" He grabs a parachute and jumps out. "I'm ze schmartescht man in ze volrd!" Einstein yelps over the sound of imminent splashy death. "Ze vorld needs my research!" He quickly exits the plane. The Pastor and the Child look at each other, now the last aboard the plane. "Son," the pastor starts. "I've lived a good, long life, but yours has hardly begun. Grab a parachute, and I'll go down with the plane." The child shakes his head with a smile. "No need to!" He says, cheerfully. "We both can get out-The Smartest Man in the World just jumped out with my backpack!"
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6 RepliesPlease don't click on the spoiler till you finish reading my 1st joke... Once upon a time there was a math matician and he thought he was absolutely the best in the world. He wanted to prove this by building a 2 story home made out of bricks with a formula he developed... He pursues to build the building and discovers he was 1 brick short. He then says wait I can really prove I'm the best "im going to build a sky scrapper out of bricks with my tweaked formula..." So he then finishes building the sky scrapper and he has 1 brick left over.. This math matician gets pissed off and throws this brick as hard as he can into the sky!!! Lmao... [spoiler]a very rich man is on an airplane towards Chicago. The man is fascinated with animals and is carrying his Monkey with him on the flight. The monkey is harrasing the other animals on flight and is causing a focus. The flight attendant ask the very rich man if he can tend to the monkey to try and calm it down. The rich man says I'll do Wtf I want to do I don't have to anyone!!! And then he lights up a big fat Cuban cigar. The flight attendant asked sir can you please put that away.. The rich man then replied back saying "make me" The flight attendant gets mad as shit and runs to the back and throws the monkey off the plane. The monkey grabs on to the plane and is holding on for dear life. The flight attendant then throws the man's cigar off of the plane. The plane lands and the owner goes to retrieve his monkey and realise that he was holding something...guess what he was holding....[/spoiler] [spoiler]The monkey was holding the brick...lmao[/spoiler]
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How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? [spoiler]Only 1, they are very efficient and not funny.[/spoiler] [spoiler]Not trying to discriminate German people [/spoiler]
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It's in yo butt.[spoiler]in yo butt!![/spoiler]
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This reminds me of someone.... http://kuroshitsuji.wikia.com/wiki/Undertaker
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"There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work." - Murphy's Laws of Combat (Maybe that should be called "Murphy's Laws of Destiny Strikes"?)
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alguem quer entra pro meu comando
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3 RepliesI was going to attend a clairvoyance meeting but it was cancelled due to unforeseen events.
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A bear walks into a bar, walks upto the barman and says "I'll have two pints of ale three packets of chips a shot of whisky....... .......... ............. .............and some peanuts" the barman replies "why the large pause"
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Edited by Zevenwulf: 9/4/2014 4:23:06 AM"Father is it a sin to play golf on Christmas day?" the man asked his padre. "My son the way you play golf it is a sin anyday."
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3 RepliesI like my women like I like my wine [spoiler]Locked up in a cellar.[/spoiler]
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How do you feel about wind mills? [spoiler]Because I'm a big fan![/spoiler]
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A mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says " We don't serve your kind here", mushrooms says" Why not, I'm a fun-gi"
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1 ReplyTwo guys are deep in the woods fishing. One steps away to take a piss. In the middle of pissing a rattlesnake jumps up and bites him right on the dick. He runs back to his buddy dick in hand screaming, " I got bit on my dick by a rattler, what do i do" . His buddy responds, " I don't know but I'll call Doc Mitchell and ask him". He tells Doc Mitchell, " Steve has been bitten by a rattler what do we do". Doc Mitchell explains, "You have to cut a slit in between the fang marks and suck out the poison or he'll die". He hangs up the phone and Steve asks him, "What did he say?" He responds, "Your going to die." [spoiler] Sorry for the sloppy delivery this joke is much better done in person when you add the deep southern draw. [/spoiler]
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Does your mom like CDs? [spoiler]Because I can tape my dick to her forehead so she can CDs nuts[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesHow many Tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh? Wait for it....[spoiler]....Ten-tickles[/spoiler]
