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Edited by Recon Number 54:
9/6/2014 1:55:30 AM
305
any good jokes?
A way to pass the time over the next few days is to exchange jokes! I'll start.
What did the buffalo say to it's son who was leaving for college?[spoiler]Bi son[/spoiler]
English
#Offtopic
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6 RepliesEdited by feigny: 9/6/2014 6:08:12 AMWhat's worse than biting into an apple and seeing a worm? [spoiler]The holocaust[/spoiler] A Rabbi, Catholic priest and a Buddhist Monk all walk into a bar: [spoiler]They had an engaging discussion on philosophy and religion[/spoiler] How do you confuse a blonde? [spoiler]Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.[/spoiler] Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? [spoiler]Because no one can draw a perfect circle.[/spoiler] A man walks into a bar. [spoiler]His alcoholic dependency is tearing the family apart.[/spoiler] What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs, swinging on a swingset? [spoiler]His name.[/spoiler]
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1 Reply[You need a Bungie® Secondclass Premium membership to view this comment]
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[spoiler]Halo 4[/spoiler]
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7 RepliesEdited by ENDO!: 9/5/2014 3:49:43 AM[i]Your face driving a Sparrow and then suddenly getting Golden Gunned.[/i]
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19 RepliesEdited by Justicar Thorn: 9/4/2014 4:02:25 PMA Hunter walks into a bar and sees a Warlock sitting in the back corner with a pot of gold sitting in front of it. He walks up to the bartender and asks," what's the story with that warlock in the back?" "Oh him", the bartender replies," if you can maker him laugh you win the gold" "That's easy" , says the Hunter. He walks to the back and not even a minute later the warlock is laughing so hard he is in tears. The Hunter takes his prize and leaves. Next day the Hunter returns, same warlock with another pot of gold. The Bar tender tells the Hunter " this time you must make the warlock cry" The Hunter walks to the back, and not a minute later the warlock is sobbing like a baby. The Hunter takes the gold and starts walking out. "Wait!", says the bar tender," how did you do it?" The Hunter smiles and replies" simple, the first day I told him my dick was bigger than his, and on the second day, I showed him"
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2 RepliesEdited by JohnQBucky: 9/5/2014 2:59:28 AMOk, I read through the thread and didn't see my favorite, so here goes. A penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it to the mechanic. The mechanic tells the penguin that it may take a while, so the penguin decides to take a walk outside. Across the street he spots an ice cream parlor, and since penguins love ice cream, he decides to go in and have some. A little while later he strolls back to the mechanic to see if his car is fixed. The mechanic looks up at the penguin and says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." The penguin paused for a second then replied "no, no... That's just a little ice cream. " :-)
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1 ReplyI heard a joke about Amnesia, but I forgot it...
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5 RepliesIf lightning follows the path of least resistance...why doesn't it only strike in France?
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2 RepliesHow do you get 20 baby's into a bucket [spoiler]with a blender [/spoiler] How do you get them out. [spoiler]with Doritos [/spoiler]
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[quote]any good jokes?[/quote] Your cock
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What do you call a group of stoned Mexicans [spoiler]baked beans[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyWhy did the monkey fall out of the tree?
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Hey did you know Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard? [spoiler]Neither did she...[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesWhat did the T-Rex say to the human? [spoiler]Nothing, dinosaurs have been extinct for a while, dumbass[/spoiler]
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Why was the girl crying? [spoiler]her parents are dead[/spoiler]
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5 Replies2 guys walk into a bar The 3rd one ducked [spoiler]ba dum tss[/spoiler] What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder A midget psychic escaped from prison There is a small medium at large Two guys were caught drinking battery acid. They will soon be charged The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands Heard a story by a guy that got hit in the head by a can of soda, he was lucky it was a soft drink Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in ur genes
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1 Reply*in Sean Connery voice* 3 men walk into a bar... I forget the rest of the joke but your mum is a whore
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3 RepliesMichael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?" The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
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3 RepliesI was going to attend the clairvoyants meeting, but it was canceled due to unforeseen events.
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5 RepliesMy generation.
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6 RepliesI was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
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2 RepliesWhat do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
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9 Replies"Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then said: "You have to shove the all of the fruit that you brought back up your butt without any expression on your face and without making any noise or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh? you almost got away with it!" The second one replied, [spoiler]"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples." [/spoiler]
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Edited by Fallen Hero: 9/6/2014 6:03:32 PMGuy has "I love you" tattooed on his dick and goes home. His wife says "quit trying to put words in my mouth".
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Why was it so windy at the baseball game? [spoiler]because there were so many fans![/spoiler]
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1 ReplyWhy do Hunters make such good lovers? [spoiler]Because they go deep in the bush, they shoot more than once, and they eat everything they shoot.[/spoiler]
