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Edited by Nephilim713:
8/18/2014 7:10:05 PM
55
I don't normally do this..... (advice please)
I just need to ask for advice on a certain situation. I am beginning to ask myself if it is even worth it anymore. Okay, so my online friend that I met back in 2009 on another forum does not really contact me anymore. We used to talk everyday as soon as we gave out our msn messengers. Hell, she does not even get on skype anymore, and well I am not sure if she still uses it because she did tell me she stopped using that email.
Let me be clear on this. She is a good friend, and we used to talk so much and even had plans to meet in the future. I guess you can say that she was my only true online friend. Our interests and everything else were very much the same. She is still nice to me when I log on said forum. That forum is in the void atm, but she still goes on so I want a hope of talking to her. I have begun to lose interest in that forum because there really is not much to do but chat with old members that I know. Most members and staff have already left long ago, but my friend still goes there. Sometimes it is usually my friend and I on, and we talk until the subject changes. We have mock fights just like old times, but it just is not the same anymore. It just is not the same as getting to know her everyday privately. I do not feel like our friendship is even progressing anymore. It feels so dull to the point that I think she thinks I am just a figment of her imagination now. She stopped signing on msn/skype back in May of 2013 and I have not ever seen her online ever since. I have asked why she does not contact me last year, but I never got a proper answer.
Let me be honest here. I really do like her as a friend and I really do hope we meet someday. She finished university now, and little chats on that forum will not do our friendship any justice. I am thinking of asking her to try to get on skype again but I am afraid it might annoy her. We had a fall out last year, but that was mostly her fault. It just does not make any sense to me anymore. She deleted me after said fall out, and likely blocked me (but I doubt it) but she re added me on the forum when I went back. It is a long story and I figured she is over it by now. I mean, she was nice enough to wish me happy birthday but whatever.
We are on (good?), terms again on said forum but it just does not make any sense that she will not get on skype anymore. I kind of feel like crap typing this now because it probably is not safe to write this at all.
I go to the forum every day, but it is always the same small talk and never anything serious.
What should I do in a situation like this? I am glad I can still contact her but it just is not the same anymore. I fear that soon she will just stop caring about the friendship we had and move on with life. It will just be the same small talk, in other words.
TLDR: I like her a lot and don't want to lose her as a friend.
UPDATE: Many people are helping me out on here. I really appreciate all the kind words and good posts. I will try to motivate myself more so I can tell my friend how it will go down before I leave for uni again. I guess I shall be prepared to hear a rant from her if she does not accept it.
English
#Offtopic
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This is why I don't attempt to make any friendships online anymore; one person will always be on the a different level than the other. By only knowing each other online, you can't really offer that physical contact and you can't make any actual plans which most people want/need in a friend. That's why most friendships don't last when one person moves away and only can keep in contact by phone or Facebook.
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16 RepliesEdited by Jaaake AU: 8/17/2014 9:30:19 AMThat's why I dislike internet friendships. I mean sure there are people I've met on forums that are amazing and I'm forever grateful that I've had the chance to get to know them a little. But there's such a huge disconnect between real life and 'internet life' that as far as I can tell, it's just a mistake to get attached to anyone. Eventually these friendships are gonna end because well let's face it - there's more to life than the internet - and then someone is gonna feel like the OP does. Hasn't stopped me getting to know people, mind you. But I know what's coming sooner or later. You just gotta accept them for what they are.
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One of the biggest issues you are running into is the online part. Secondly, you've repeatedly labeled this woman in your post as a good friend. Are you just being modest to your readers? If you are really interested in her, and you've made it painfully obvious that you are, then I hope you've at least tried to insinuate to her how much this friendship means to you. The social stigma of a true bond forming between two distant partners interacting online weighs heavy on the young and old regardless of how much time you invested in sharing experience with each other. Social spaces like Facebook, Twitter and forums alike assist in creating/preserving a connection, but the reality is that the time you spend in the digital world is no more valuable than the data you send across spaces. Though, it may seem like you have a well-developed virtual online relationship that can be considered real, virtual relationships are solely virtual. Once switched off, the connection is lost. Virtual relationships have all the appearances of physical relationships, for example, connectedness, communication, and sharing. Yet, these relationships are missing essential elements that distinguish them from flesh-and-blood relationships, namely, three dimensional awareness, facial expressions, voice inflection, clear emotional messages, gestures, body language, physical contact, and of course the most instinctively primal of all, pheromones. These virtual relationships we create as a platform for a meaningful bond between others are based on limited information and, as a result, are incomplete; you can know people online, but only so far. When connecting with others through cyberspace you get bits and pieces of people—words on a screen, two-dimensional images, or a digitized voice—almost like having some, but not all, of the pieces of a puzzle. Some of us here right now can agree that you've held a deeper bond with forum members you've actually met through events like PAX and such or possibly you're neighbors with another member who will occasionally meet up outside the virtual world. Either way, I'm just saying no matter how you try to interpret this, you are missing pieces of the puzzle and I hope that anyone with such conflicts in their lives eventually find a way to complete theirs.
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Either continue trusting the cracked ice, hoping the other side is near, or return to the solid ground from whence you came.
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3 Replies'We had a fallout last year but that was mostly her fault' You're new to women aren't you? XD
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14 RepliesYou're experiencing something very common. People gravitate towards each other when their personalities in this case, or looks, attract them to each other. On first contact, mystery and intrigue engage and incline us to get to know the other person, and to talk to them as much as possible. The downside to this is that you advance normal conversation beyond a normal rate, and wear out that "mystery". You talk so much, that you talk through everything as quickly as possible because you craved it that badly. At a certain point, the conversation becomes dull. You run out of things to talk about, and unless you two are the most spirit-bound people to ever exist, you will tire of each other and talk less. It doesn't mean that you dislike each other, it just means you put forth less effort into maintaining conversations. It becomes lower on the priority list, and they put you aside. This is going to happen in life, dozens of others and myself can speak from personal experience I'm sure. It happens, and it's never fun, those hours of time away from each other seem like a vacation from them, and you talk less and less. Whether both people want it or just one, it's happened. You need to get her attention, deliver an ultimatum. Tell and demand to know what's going on, if you are not going to be speaking any more, tell her that you would like to get closure and move on. If she agrees, you say your goodbyes and go on. If not, ask why you have been falling out of touch, try and rekindle the friendship with things you both loved to talk about in the past. Beyond that, nothing more I can say. This happens, and it sucks, but sometimes not every friendship can be salvaged.
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I know how you feel, except for the attraction thing. Don't let friendships die out, they are salvageable in time, but never let then completely slip out of your grasp. You'll regret it.
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4 RepliesI'm not sure, but if you really like her you should just let it be. If you believe she feels the same towards you, you just have to believe that her reasons we're good and when the time is right, you will see her again.
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2 RepliesKill her.
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5 RepliesWhy do you need to talk on skype what can you say on their that wontr progress your friendship on the chat you were reffering to
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I updated the thread due to lots of replies.
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2 RepliesTell her you feel like your drifting away and you don't want your friendship to end. Either that or move on and let it end. Friendships die and life goes on.
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4 RepliesDo you guys share any mutual friends?
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16 RepliesI understand even if you two have Skyped why she would be hesitant still. She still doesn't truly know you. For all she knows you could be a psychopath that has been wearing a mask so to speak all these years.
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8 RepliesMove on.
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2 RepliesOption 3 let her go.....come back later :)
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7 RepliesTell her how you feel.
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3 RepliesIf you're resorting to asking the flood for advice on this situation...you're already lost.
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Weed commando has some solid dating prowess. Ask him.
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7 RepliesIts quite simple...theres how you see and think about her.....and theres what you really want which is how she sees and thinks about you..........i call it misconnection....you say she's in a university , how about you? What are you doing all day....if your not in the same league as her she probably sees you as an annoying i cant get rid of friend.(no offense).. Im focusing on studying and he wants me to play video games and chat all day....for all you know she could be just using you. If you like her and want to meet do this.... Say hey i got tickets to something really cool thats interesting for you and her... Then invite her... And say itll br cool to finally meet you and we'll be doing this cool thing somewhere. I had a friend online, we knew each other for 4 years and when halo 4 came out we decided to play the campaign together....it wad fun.
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1 ReplyOh my Christ...
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Also.... Chemistry....do feel the connection?
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1 ReplyJust ask her to coffee
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1 ReplyTell her your leaving the forum for good and see how she reacts. Plan it though. You should probably move on.
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Ur story reminds me of this crappy show called noah and saskia, a boy and a girl meet on the internet etc etc
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So are my forum buddies right about her having to act first in this situation? Or are they completely wrong?
