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Edited by Dusk:
11/2/2015 11:48:32 AM
546
Best Joke Wins 1/3 special Codes!
Amuse me. Its for XboxOne.
1st:Halo Nightfall Code. Clan Invite.
2nd:2 Day Gold. Clan Invite.
3rd: Pat on the Back.
Most Bumped:Redbull.
Trending i see. Awards will be handed out soon, Jokers...
Why did the Adobe acrobat document get put in jail?
It was a .pdf file!
English
#Destiny
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1 ReplyNeed moar jokes!!
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2 Replies[spoiler]The Bull. Is that----[/spoiler]
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4 RepliesEdited by WeaponizedSoup: 11/8/2015 4:46:19 AMAn 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
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Want to hear a joke? [spoiler]women's rights[/spoiler]
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Why have elephants got big ears? Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
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Destiny
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2 RepliesEdited by Lion: 11/9/2015 3:11:42 AMI, Jaren Ward, have no need for this post... [spoiler]Cause I'm already in dis clan[/spoiler] Hah! Goteem! *airhorns sound in the distance* *sirens start blaring* *nuke alarm sounds* "Attention... A nuke has been sent from a galaxy far, far away to try and contain this madness, this person will be caught, everyo- AHH! Dis mic haz been hacked by me SKRUBS GIT REKT quick scopes Mountain Dew and Doritos give you wings illuminati square confirmed" *nuke strikes* *walks out like a boss* *eats super mushroom* *t-bags the entire city* *back to normal size* *continue my boss walking to the moon, so I can find that dang wizard* *starts jumping and starts flying cuz Hunter 4th subclass* Subclass name= traveler Go ham on scrubs is description *cuz subclass fist of havox wizard so hard it flies at Bungie studios* "And this children, is the cause of Global Warming".
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1 ReplyA Machanic has just retired and taken up being a doctor. His motto, if I help you its $500 if not then I pay you $1000 Inevitably another doctor found out and decided it would be an easy way to get cash. So he goes to the doctor tells him "doctor I can't taste anything" To which the mechanic replied "nurse pleas get the liquid from cabinet 3 drawer 22 and put 2 drops into the patients mouth". The doctor recoiled saying "this is gasoline!" The mechanic replied "congratulations you got your taste back that will be $500" The doctor feeling cheated went back to the mechanic the next day "doc I can't remember anything" To which the mechanic replied "nurse pleas get the liquid from cabinet 3 drawer 22 and put 2 drops into the patients mouth". The doctor said yet again "this is gasoline" "Congratulations" said the mechanic. You got your memory back. that be $500" The doctor more angry than ever left and didn't come back for another few days. When he returned he said "help I can't see anything!" The mechanic didn't know what to do and simply replied "well I can't fix that problem, so I'll just give you the $1000" handing him $500. "But this is only $500" replied the doctor. "Congratulations" said the mechanic. "You got your eyesight back. That will be $500"
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What do you call a magic drink? [spoiler]Qui Gon GIN![/spoiler]
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>Special code >Specialization code >Halo 4 >Still never got the email >Still banned from the forums for asking why >Never forget But anyway: -Knock knock. -who's there? -I eat mop. -I eat mop who? -You eat your poo?
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2 RepliesYou want a joke? [spoiler]this post[/spoiler]
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10 RepliesWhat does a Hive suicide bomber say? [spoiler][i][b]ALAK-HUL AKBAR[/b][/i][/spoiler]
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4 RepliesEdited by Chanmaster101: 11/9/2015 1:41:18 AMHow many gaurdians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [spoiler]500[/spoiler] [spoiler]1 to screw in the lightbulb 499 to complain it was better before[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesLittle Bo Peep F ucked a sheep, Blew a horse, licked his feet, Ate his ass ooh so very nice, Tongued his balls not once, but twice...
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2 RepliesWhere did I go after the explosion? [spoiler]everywhere[/spoiler] Knock knock
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1 ReplyWhat doesn't kill you males you stronger [spoiler]unless I cut off both your feet[/spoiler] When I'm holding my rifle [spoiler]there's no difference between minorities and deer[/spoiler] I burned a kid in a wheelchair today [spoiler]HOT WHEELS[/spoiler] I hate animal rights [spoiler]aah Sam stop killing baby deer[/spoiler] I hate human rights [spoiler]aah Sam stop killing babies[/spoiler] Weeaboos in Japan be like [spoiler]where are the subtitles?[/spoiler] I've had so much sex with my body pillow [spoiler]it stands up on its own now[/spoiler]
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Worse rewards than Nightfall.
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This game is not repetitive (that was OBVIOUSLY a joke). The loot system is fantastic (joke).
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*looks at title* why would I want one third of a special code?
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12 RepliesBump for later please. Only 1
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3 RepliesHow do you get 10 babies in a bowl...[spoiler]a blender[/spoiler] How do you get them out [spoiler]tortilla chips[/spoiler]
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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? [spoiler]I don't have a Ferrari in my garage[/spoiler] Why do Midgets laugh when they run? [spoiler]Because the grass tickles their balls[/spoiler]
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What's worse than finding five dead babies in one trash can? [spoiler]Finding one dead baby in five trash cans.[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesYo momma so nasty [spoiler]she suck your daddy's dick then kiss you goodnight [/spoiler]
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I'm not racist, racism is a crime![spoiler]Crime is for black peoples.[/spoiler]
