Ive had a history of what i now believe to be disconnections from reality. Ive tortured cats, choked the life out of them, and hid their bodies. But any time i managed to gain control over myself and stop their torture, i would feel this urge to continue. I had to hide them from myself and let them scurry into places too small for me so they would be safe. None of these were my pets. They all showed fear and i fed off this. This continued for months, until yesterday. I snapped and attacked my ex. She was quiet and fearful. She yelled for me to stop, I realized what i was doing before she got hurt and bailed. There was a familiar emptiness crawling inside of me before i attacked, and its almost like i didn't do it. Shes safe, and I've taken steps so i will never see her again. But in obsession. Video games, drugs, family, friends. Everything feels like a blur, like I'm constantly thinking about her and that moment. Lingering to feel it again. Like its a job unfinished. Discuss.