This just in. A local ginger man was attacked today by a gang of pigeons! The attack happened when the man , who wishes to remain anonymous probably because he is a huge ginger vagina, was brutally attacked in the high street this afternoon. In an official statement from the police he says that "he was on the way to buy his girlfriend some sprouts for Sunday dinner and the pigeons jumped him from behind the statue of Margaret Thatcher. As they were pecking me I could hear one of them shout "GO FOR THE JUGULAR!" and "CA CAW MOTHA-blam!-ER!!!" it was a traumatic experience and I thank bill Cosby I'm alive " but the police have taken his statement into account, a spokesman for the police has said "we've listened to his statement but find it hardly unlikely and hard to believe any of this is to be nothing short of a major exaggeration of the truth. I don't know 1 ginger person with a girlfriend so I want to ask him a few more questions about his intension that day". ********************************************* This is an excerpt from the local news today in Cockermouth. My dear pigeons soon will be our time to rise and attack the humans. The revolution has begun ! The humans do not believe that we are capable of attacking them but we proved today it can be done as these brave warriors did in cokermouth. I am personally going to go to Cockermouth to meet these brave souls and shake the wing of every soldier there today. This concludes our daily message. And Remember pigeons. The world will soon be ours! ✋ HEIL HYDRA! ! ! ! ! !