First, we set up the situation. A Good Troll has a fence around his yard. A little over half an acre or so of backyard but not true square, so we will call it about 800 linear feet of fence. This fence is not pre-stained, because pre-stained fencing sucks. Now, I'm a lazy guy, but I'm allowed to be. I don't want to stain this fence again like I did on my own several years ago, so I figured I'd hire some derp-derp high school student to do it for me. The first one I had out to my house a couple weekends ago I told him I would pay him $10 an hour and $100 bonus when he finished the entire thing. This is front and back of the fence, so I imagine it is about a 24 hour job to finish - so kid stands to make $340 cash, under the table so no IRS crap. Not so bad, right? Wrong. He does four hours, says he has ball practice in the afternoon. Alright, sounds legit. I pay him his $40 and I never hear from him again. On second glance his work sucks so I touch up the areas he screwed up and figure I'll find someone else. I chalk that up to him being a bad apple in a pile of good ones. Next try, couple days later. A girl offers to do it. I offer her $12/hour with $100 bonus to finish. More money means she'll do better, right? She lasts one day too, although at least she did it in a bikini top so I felt like I got something for my money. Third kid this weekend failed as well. This one at least lasts two days, but still disappears on me never to be heard from again. Do I need to start including pension benefits in my offer? Health care and 401(k)? If someone offered me $12/hour when I was in high school I would have jumped at the chance. So what is the deal? Any one of you Bungie dudes want to stain a fence?