Warning: No TL;DR. Read it all you lazy fuсks. An old girlfriend of mine visited me the other day. She just turned up at my door one day and asked for a place to stay. I hadn't seen this girl for years, since we had broken up because she was moving away to go to college, and we decided we wouldn't be able to maintain a long-distance relationship. She had come back to to my area because her mother, who lived near me, was sick. She asked if I was free tomorrow, as she wanted to see how I was doing, and spend a bit of time together, as when we had broken up we still had feelings for each other. I said yes. And buckle your seat-belts, cause we are all about to learn about my girlfriend from the past. We go to get coffee the next day. It goes pretty damn smoothly, and we're having a friendly conversation. Then we go back to her mothers house, because she still needs to look after her mother. But when we get in, her mother is having a seizure. She rushes over and tries to make her comfortable. I run over and ask what she might need. Then they both look at me and say, "I need about tree fiddy." It was at this point that I noticed that they were each about 8 stories tall and were actually Crustaceans from the Protozoic era.