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5/19/2013 5:56:24 PM
5
I was friends with a married couple and we used to go out, party, double-date, dinners, movies, nights out, all sorts of things.
I am now married to the woman in that formerly married couple.
It's a tricky path, and there are lots of potential pitfalls and dangers. If you're really attracted to her, even have romantic feelings for her, then it may be worth it and you could end up being very happy together.
But just one example of a possible "tricky situation"? How's your ego? Are you willing and able to know that she's going to have experiences with both of you, and may (consciously or unconsciously, deliberately or unintentionally) end up "comparing" the two of you? Can you deal with that? It's not an easy question to answer, and like I said, it is a tricky thing to do.
English
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Wow, what a twist I wasn't expecting that. Out of curiosity were you originally friends with your now wife, or her ex-husband? I'm sure the situation would have been a lot easier if you knew her before (or better than) the man.
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She and I were co-workers and really good friends. I liked (and still do like) her ex. But out of respect, I keep my distance, and don't interfere with their relation (they are still friendly, they have a lot of mutual and shared history) and if I were to "get in the middle of that", it would be (at least it would feel to me) like I was "rubbing his nose in the fact that I got the girl". Even though I know we're all adults and that things are more mature and complex than that, I like and respect the guy enough to know that he doesn't need to hear my name in every conversation that they have.
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I wouldn't of thought you'd act in a way that is at all disrespectful so this doesn't surprise me at all. I'm sure if many people were put under the same circumstances they would not be respectful to him and/or her. If you truly are in love with someone than there should be no reason that you aren't together. However it would be very difficult in a situation like this to try and keep things between the two as smooth as you can. It sounds like you've taken the most respectful and proper way of doing this, and for that I tip my hat to you good sir.
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Edited by Recon Number 54: 5/19/2013 6:53:07 PMWho we love and how we end up with them is never as simple as the romantic comedy movies would have us believe. Our relationship (my wife and I) has never been simple, never been easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. But I've had all sorts of things "pointed out to me" about it, and I think that I've probably heard them all. I'm a homewrecker. I was "the other man". Dude, that is like so... slimy. You're a creep. "If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you." and so on... Like I said, anyone who thinks that life is simple, binary, this-or-that, or can be lived with a basic "code of conduct"? Well, if that's true for them, they're lucky. It's never been true for me. And because of that, life has been complicated, painful, amazing, difficult, wonderful, and full of hard lessons that I would never wish that didn't happen to me.
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Thanks Recon. She has compared me to him before, and it hurts a lot, but I can't really say anything about it. I guess I'll wait and if he's cool then, then I guess I'll go for it. But I know I need to be VERY careful. I am playing with fire here, and I know it could get dangerous.
