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Edited by SometimesIDrinkCoffee:
6/17/2023 10:27:46 PM
17
Ok, I went through it, uploaded it as a PDF with commentary to my drive. It's not bad, your dialogue is, for the most part, pretty decent, and you have some strong descriptions. There is a lot of missing punctuation. I would say this is your most common mistake. I pointed some of it out, enough to give you an idea of your habits. There's also some odd narrative and stylistic choices. I got the impression that you were eager to get it done in the second half and rushed it out. (Don't know whether that's the case or not.) Anyway, I left my thoughts in the PDF. I also gave some suggestions that I personally think would help the prose flow better, but since it's just me giving my opinion, you can ignore them if you want. My suggestion is to take a little bit more time and read over what you wrote and try to put yourself in the shoes of the reader, not the author. Doing this can really help to see which areas need polishing up. Hope this isn't overwhelming. Editing my own work has left me pretty -blam!- about certain things. Either way, good job.
English
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1. Thank you 2. I kind of rushed it, the again I was somewhat tired while writing it 3. As for that last suggestion, I’m going to try and work on it
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Edited by SometimesIDrinkCoffee: 6/17/2023 10:16:52 PMIgnore my first suggestion, I goofed. There should be no comma after "mean". EDIT: In fact, you may want to wait a bit. I'm seeing a few goofs in my notes.
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Good thing I’m still in the process of editing the text
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Ok, I think it should be good, though I can't promise I've got everything right.
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Do I have to reload the document to see the edits for the notes?
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Refreshing it should do it.
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Edited by SillyLilMaha: 6/17/2023 10:26:46 PMJust did, still says there should be a comma after mean
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Edited by SometimesIDrinkCoffee: 6/17/2023 10:28:17 PMTry clicking the updated link. It should work now. (Drive is acting strange.)
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With regards to the dialogue in parentheses, I tried to do a thought process using those if that makes any sense.
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I don't know what you mean by that. Are you talking about inner dialogue?
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Yes sir, I just blanked on that for a moment
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Edited by SometimesIDrinkCoffee: 6/17/2023 10:57:54 PMSo, here's how I like to do mine: I use italicized dialogue without quotes. Here's an example: Bob was walking in the park when a clown wearing a tutu fell out of the tree in front of him. It flailed on the ground for several moments before getting up, honking its own nose, then it ran screaming into the woods. [i]Did that really just happen?[/i] Bob wondered. Or [i]And that's why I hate clowns,[/i] Bob thought.
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Ok, now the editing is actually finished
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Just finished editing, going to have to split this up as it’s a little too long, hence the question format of this post
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Thank you for the suggestion, good sir, though personally I’m going to keep the quotes as they feel more natural to me.
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It worked
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It’s fine, and thank you for doing so
