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3/10/2021 7:38:25 PM
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As general of Offtopic’s figurative military, I approve. However, the war horn needs to be replaced by a war bell by tomorrow.
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Bah I doubt that’s the best advice general. bells are boring! How can you tell someone to replace a war horn with a bell. With war horns you can have all sorts of cool sounds like [url=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yLyaCgbEGIo]this[/url]! How else are you going to tell your Oliphaunt to advance and crush the enemies? You can’t do that with a bell. We do have war elephants right? It’s something I wasn’t able to get around to doing when I was general.
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How dare you!? We won’t subject innocent elephants to such cruelty! They deserve to be free!
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Tis a fair point you make. You are correct, innocent elephants shouldn’t be put in harms way just so we can have a bigger army. I mean elephants and space ships don’t even compare anyways, how could a spaceship even hope to beat such a animal. However what if the elephants want to be soldiers, you know they have minds of their own right?
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Well, of course, if an elephant goes through the proper application process they can definitely become a soldier. But that hasn’t happened yet, unless the Lord General is hiding something from me!
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And what is this application needed to become a soldier? I am generally curious now and sure the strongest willed of elephants can easily pass it. And how do you know the lord general isn’t hiding my elephants anywhere? They did seem interested in my idea of war elephants. However I would trust them not to go behind your back, they seem trustworthy.
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Edited by The First Aifos: 3/11/2021 1:14:44 AMAh, you see, you must complete the “FEWtPoL” course at SAYU’s Tintinnabular Combat Academy, as well as pass at least two MagiTech Focus programs at Saffron’s Institute of Magic and Technology. An elephant most certainly could pass them, I’m sure, but as of yet they haven’t applied as far as I know. And of course my Lord General is trustworthy! That’s why she’s my Lord General! You don’t put someone untrustworthy in charge of all the guns! [spoiler]FEWtPoL stands for “Fighting Evil With the Power of Love”[/spoiler]
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Well it there has been numerous examples of those in control of all the guns and military experience taking over even if they appeared trustworthy. Guns are boring anyways, swords are cooler anyways. I wonder if a elephant will ever apply. I’ve seen some really smart elephants, and trees for that matter. Do you have any trees in your army? Wait I get most of the things on that list but you have to pass both a test in magic and technology to be a soldier? Wow, that’s quite a lot of qualifications. Does every soldier know magic or do they just study it?
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Yes, but I, your esteemed Supreme Leader, am a great judge of character! Hm.. I don’t think there are any trees, either, no. Tree-folk usually keep to themselves. Oh, no, no, you misunderstand. Saffron’s Institute of Magic and Technology is a MagiTech college. There, you can study one of the 9 schools of magic known as Focuses; Anima, Phalanx, Hexawan, Doublelift, Hearth, Kinesys, Miseri, Glimmer, and Slashfik. Literally anyone can pass a Hexawan class, so they only need to learn one other Focus. Every soldier in the First Aifos Legion is equipped with a Class-2 MagiTech Catalyst, and is expected to know how to operate it.
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Actually, I don’t think we have Oliphaunts! We may have to implement those... Nonetheless! As much as I appreciate your input, Watson, giant war bells can be just as eerie and foreboding as teeny war horns! And as for various cool sounds, we just need more bells of different sizes. [spoiler][i]For ‘taters! For top hats! For tintinnabulation![/i][/spoiler]
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Bah, then I shall take no part in this durned army if we can’t have war horns! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nG0xuWikRDE they don’t have to be tiny either and are still much cooler then bells. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oSdSuWoNVwo And what are we going to say in the very common situation that I see at least once per week where we must defend a fortress from ten thousand orcs or so if we have a bell and not a horn. Are we supposed to say, “The Bell of Helm Hammerhand will pathetically chime in the deep one last time. Let this be the hour where we draw swords together and then die because we have a bell that sounds like it would be heard in a Christmas pageant playing us to our doom!” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_0X-dJrQW8s And what about the common occurrence that happens almost every other day where a man is running from orcs whilst protecting his hobbit friends, whilst playing his war horn. What is his elf friend supposed to say when he heard the noise of his friends bell? “The bell of Gondor... wait he’s already dead because he took the time to take out a bell and ring it and bells are lame!”
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Edited by Gingiebread: 3/11/2021 11:10:49 PMFirst, I never said horns were prohibited for individual use—unless President Aifos decides otherwise. Second, not all bells are lighthearted enough for a Christmas pageant (and we’ve yet been threatened by orcs anyways). Third, the horn of Gondor wasn’t necessarily used in a battle between two or more armies; again I say horns used individually is fine. And... I sadly say it: [i]We are not in Middle Earth![/i] These musical instruments of war represent something or someone. The horns you show me examples of certainly are worthy examples and most represent something good; however, the First Aifos Legion shall represent our president, and he shall be represented in battle by way of tintinnabulation.
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Very good, Lord General. I knew I chose the right person for the job.
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*salutes* Just doing my duty, Mr. President!
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B-but I just finished polishing it!
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Sorry, it has to be done! But I’m sure you’ll receive a complimentary baked potato for your troubles. :D
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[quote]you’ll receive a complimentary baked potato for your troubles. :D[/quote] You need to stop taking leadership tips from aifos lol
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Is there something [i]wrong[/i] with Aifos’ leadership tips, hm? 🧐
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A heavy burden on the potato industry
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A heavy burden on the potato industry
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We get our potatoes from Pure Illusion! That’s, like, magic and junk!
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Oh, so they're just illusions? So do they still have nutritional value or are they just for the pleasure of eating a potato?
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No, no, Pure Illusion is a place! It’s like a magical alternate dimension! The potatoes are very real!
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But it's not a [i]reeaaalll[/i] place, since it's like, an illusion, right?
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[i]What?[/i] Nah, it’s totally a real place! Pure Illusion is just the name! I didn’t name it, but I think they call it that because it’s super trippy. But definitely an actual place!
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So it's a real illusion? Quite neato burrito
