[b][quote]Heddy: On The houw, we awe wive fwom the Steps of the Fiwst Bank of Offtopic, whewe the wecent wiots have caused a wockdown of opewations the Bank CEO Smiwing Sewpent about to give a Statement. Sewpent:We of the Bank of offtopic awe dismayed to annyounce that an incident between a cwusadew and an uwu victim occuwed in ouw bank this mownying, the incident in question did nyot cause mowe than wight damage, thewe wewe nyo majow injuwies and ouw cwients pwopewty is stiww safe. We have wocked down ouw offices and buiwding, and wiww wemain as such untiw the wiots have ended, We of the Bank of offtopic pwess ouw powiticians to end this meanyingwess confwict and fostew dipwomacy between the two sides, ow at weast to decwawe a tempowawy compuwsowy awmistice untiw; such a settwement and peacefuw way fowwawd can be found and fowwowed. The Bank sewves aww cwients, weebs, shitpostews, edgewowds, twowws, uwu's owo's cwusadews, and othewwise wuwkews. We do nyot condonye ow endowse the viowence and hatwed that has bwoken out acwoss the subfowum, wwe wish the authowities the best of wuck and offew any assistance the pwivate company SewPent MGT may be abwe to pwovide. We wiww weview and execute expwowatowy panyews to assess the feasibiwity of aww weasonyabwe wequests made by the Offtopican Gov't. We awso pwead to ouw customews, set aside youw petty diffewences and weawn to wive togethew Thank you and Good Wuck. *The Sewpent Gwins* Heddy; and nyow fow the Mawket nyews >w< Weapon, ammo and awmow stocks seem to be wevewing out as the uwu viwus victims awe hunted acwoss the subfowum by owganyized miwitants. Authowities joinyed with the anti-uwu's, showtwy aftew the outbweak amid accusations that the Executive Bwanch of Offtopic, pwepawed a wukewawm wesponse to the wioting. Pwesident Shewwock staved off these attacks, cawwing fow peace and dipwomacy between the two sides A post confwict faww in pwices is expected as industwiaw pwoduction wises abuv the demand Whowesome memes saw theiw wowse week yet with wittwe to nyo demand obsewved, and a pwivate sectow seemingwy unwiwwing to pwovide the nyiche sewvice, with the appwoach of powch day investows expect an uptick in WM stocks at weast fow a day, though wong tewm outwook wemains muted. Powiticaw shitposts have seen a minyow woss of twaction weading to what expewts awe cawwing Offtopathy, Eccho Siewwa a pwominyent consewvative shitpostew, dispwayed confidence that the mawket wouwd wecuvw, whiwe Powiticaw Commentatow KewwyGween2 assewted he was "once again, ignyowing facts to fit his, nyawwowed wowwd view" As awways, the pawty of the Offtopic Consewvative Ciwcwe of Consensuaw Handhowding, decwinyed to comment, but onye wepwesentative cawwed the weww knyown Commentatow, "dewusionyaw..." WP continyues to see a steady and heawthy gwowth much to the chagwin of some investows who caww the pwactice and occupation of the mawket in whowe "Totaw cwinge" The Counciw of DM's wesponded to investow concewns by sticking out theiw tongues and saying "nyo u..." This Concwudes the evenying Mawket Nyews, good nyight, and good wuck, I'm Heddy Mewons, signying off.[/quote] Fixed uwU[/b]