The very first thing i found was you seem to switch between third and first person views, especially at the beginning. Always stick with either one or the other, whichever one is best for you. For example in the very beginning: [quote] The ship flew past mountains and trees. I sat in the cøckpit. The only sound was the rain on the windshields, and the hum of the engines[/quote] The first sentence starts put as third person, but then you use "I" in the second sentence. In the third sentence you go back to using "the." I suggest using "my" more instead of "the" because it help to deliver the story through the character's eyes, which is what you want if you want to write in first person. Also, add more detail with smells and sounds because you want to make the reader feel like they are physically with the characters. ADJECTIVES ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND IN FIRST PERSON WRITING. So, my revisions would be this: [spoiler]My ship flew past mountains and trees. I sat, staring directly ahead, in the cramped cøckpit. All i could hear was the soft pitter-pattering of the rain on the windshields and the gentle hum of the engines[/spoiler] Alternatively, if you want to do third person, you still need to make the reader feel like they are inside the story, but from the point of view of an omnipotent god-narrator, rather than the main character. Instead of describing smells, sounds, tastes, feelings, and sights of the main character alone, you have to describe the entire scene as a whole, even things the main character would not know or notice. Also, if you do thrid person, NEVER use "my" or "i", unless you are quoting a character. So, more revisions: [spoiler]The ship sped past the mountains at 600 miles per hour. Silencersix sat in the cøckpit, staring inpassively at the pine trees blowing in the wind. The sky was silent, except for the raindrops on the windshield and the gentle hum of the engine.[/spoiler] I'm no professional writer, so i hope this advice helps you to write on. I mean, you have the guts to bestow your self-proclaimed "shitty writing" upon offtopic, which is already better than me. Just be persistent in writing, and you will get better with experience, i guarantee it.