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originally posted in: Interest in my fanfic and discussion
Edited by Jasondurgen: 6/15/2017 4:02:27 AM
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Read for read? I'll always support a fellow writer in need, but I, too, am a writer in need lol. I'll jump over and read it, and put a hashtag to the prologue of my fantasy here as well in case you're also feeling generous. Not many people comment on it and I sometimes [i]need[/i] the criticism/thoughts (although I do know it's just a prologue, but still). Just search for #causher and it should pop right up. It's titled "Ninth Movement: Clutch of the Sovereign" and shouldn't be too hard to find, since it's probably the only one that will pop up lmao EDIT: Okay, so I didn't realize that the pre-rough draft chapters were on here as well under that tag (even using the old title "The Life of Causher Reviluti," the cringe lol), so you can read them if you want but they're pretty trash. And the chapters have changed a lot since those days. The only thing remotely the same is chapter 1, which I've only edited a few things here and there and added more dialogue/intrigue. So read if you want. I posted them to get some feedback on the universe/lore and characters I've been building for he past 4-5 years. EDIT 2: I'm getting self-conscious now. If anybody else reads those older chapters, that's nowhere near my best work, I swear lmao.
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  • I started reading it, and I didn't get too far. If there's anything I know, long exposition dumps are not good. If I'm required to know a ton of backstory just to begin reading your stuff, something is wrong. In my writing, I avoid dumping large amounts of exposition if I can, sprinkling small bits into dialogue and descriptions. I'm gonna try to find where the story actually begins, and read from there. If I'm constantly confused as to what's going on, then the exposition was needed, and I just don't like your presentation. If I can understand and learn as I read, then all the expository stuff you wrote isn't really necessary, and just drives away possible readers. This is just my 2 cents though. I'm just an 11th grader that is failing English and Journalism.

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  • Edited by Jasondurgen: 6/15/2017 4:08:41 AM
    Yeah, I actually threw up the wrong tag by mistake. If you read the one about The Shadow's Apprentice, it's not the correct one as I once thought, so I apologize for that. I actually had to repost it since it was taken down, and is now under the same tag with the title, "Ninth Movement: Clutch of the Sovereign prologue." I was hoping you didn't read my comment until I fixed that so you didn't waste your time but it seems as though I failed haha And hey, we all start somewhere. I made those chapters you read at your age as well, even younger (not that I'm much older, because I'm only 19).

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  • Whatever, can you just link me to what you want to show me? By the way, do you have an overview post? It goes a long way to keeping things organized.

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  • https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/228118583/0/0 Here. Didn't know I could copy a link on this app and safari is broken

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  • Just a first glance, looks like a fat info dump, but I'll read it before making any major judgements. Have you read my stuff yet? If so, opinions?

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  • It's just the introduction and it serves a purpose. It explains how the Sovereign who has a clutch on his empire (hence, Clutch of the Sovereign) came to be and what happened to his predecessor. As well as where his right hand man (K) came from, and the introduction of the secondary antagonist, the creepy masked man.

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  • Really, the descriptions are what kept me reading. I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep for a while now.

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