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Edited by Riley Rose:
7/22/2016 8:48:22 AM
13
Alright, here's the story of Lupus Calamari, the character who destroyed 3 campaigns and over 20 pc's.
Before I start this story I should mention that I don't play actual dnd. I play a variant of it called GURPS, which is similar but with more character customization and my group didn't use maps.
My friend decided to gm a grimdark medieval campaign in a strange castle, so most of the group rolled with Knights and spearmen, while i ran a buffing cleric. We had: half-elf archer with kleptomania, Orc spearman with negative iq (I still don't know how he got the gm to agree with that one...), and a knight, nothing really special about him.
We enter this castle after 3 hours of the gm trying to get us to explore some random stuff before we get to the actual story, and immediately encounter an Eldritch abomination. The Orc and the archer fail their sanity checks and go temp insane, while I frantically buff the knight and try to heal him. The abomination (that we can't even look at) hits the knight for 3d6 and instant-kills him. I decide to play dead, but I get killed.
About 2 hours and 8 total deaths into that fight, the archer (now running a glass cannon sorcerer) rage quits and the rest of us follow suit. I was awake for most of the night delving into the deepest depths of munchkining and minmaxing to create this... Thing.
Essentially I created a tank knight with a magic weapon (unbreakable, holy, returns to hand at will, bonus fire damage) and a few... Strategic disadvantages. He was a kleptomaniac, claustrophobic, hemophiliac zealot. But here's where I started laughing maniacally: [i]whenever one of his disadvantages came into play, he transformed into a [b][u]freaking werewolf![/u][/b][/i] [spoiler]he also had serendipity, which allows you to escape death or just have insane luck, and widgets, which lets you pull any item out of your pockets, but we'll come to that later...[/spoiler]
Needless to say the abomination died in seconds, along with our Mage (first pc kill).
I will continue this story in the comments later.
Edit: parts 2 and 3 are in the comments now, and I am posting part 4 later.
English
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Lupus Calamari... How did you come up with that name? Love the stories so far btw reminds me of the old man Henderson tale a bit
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The name was an inside joke.
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PART 2: the betrayal, the plan, and and the supposed end. I'm going to skip a large portion of the story, as it was about 8 hours long and boring as -blam!-. This section will focus on the final stage of the game, as well as one last piece of bullshit by lupus. After many bosses, long rooms, enemies, and attempts by the gm to kill lupus, we reach the final stage of the area, a catacomb beneath the castle. The gm was dropping hints that the boss would be a skeleton, so I picked up a piece of bone that was supposedly part of the boss from a previous encounter (It will make sense why I grabbed it later). After a strange room where light was dark and vice-versa, we enter a large room lit only by a torch in the center of the room. Then out of nowhere, the final boss spawns, and he is a giant skeleton. Out of the game, I quickly whisper something to the former archer, and he grins maliciously. I take the bone out of my pocket, rub blood from an old wound into it, and concentrate while the archer guards me. After 3 turns of concentration, I reveal one last bit of bullshittery. Lupus knows sympathetic magic (the more alike 2 things are, the more they are connected). I stamp on the bit of bone, which is now linked to the boss, and crush it beneath my foot. The boss died instantly, ruining a cinematic boss fight. The gm goes really quiet for a second, I can only imagine what he was feeling at that exact moment. After a minute of silence, he makes one last effort to 'rocks fall everyone dies' before the game ends. The boss uses the last of its power to open a vortex to kill us all, but lupus used serendipity one final time! The vortex kept him safe in a pocket dimension until he is summoned again. And thus, the first adventure of Lupus Calimari came to an end. But don't worry, the story of the team killing -blam!-tard will continue.
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Edited by Riley Rose: 7/22/2016 8:51:46 AMPart 3: another day, another plot ruined. I'm going to write the next few installments in short bursts, to capitalize on the amount of stupidity that happened during this next game. I'm also going to take the time to point out that this next game was several sessions later, after the uproar over lupus died out a little. Now on with the story. This time, the archer from the first game decided to dm an... Odd game to say the least. It started off medieval, but rapidly switched to the future using [u]an entirely different set of characters[/u]. I couldn't wrap my head around some of the dumber mechanics, so after a few deaths I did what I do every game. I made a stupid build. I just kinda threw it together off the cuff. It ended up being a hexer with low health, essentially a glass cannon. After taking down a few tough enemies with ease, the gm thought that I was trying to pull another lupus, and had a group of ogre gank me (while they should have been aggro'd on the knight). I fumed for a moment before realizing that I had a golden opportunity. This one is going to need some explanation. In gurps, it is possible to have an event happen on your death, but you sacrifice a huge amount of character points to do so. I had created a death event that opened a portal (do you see what I had planned?), at the cost of 75 CP's in a 150 CP game. So the portal opens, and who should step out but the plot-ruiner himself, Lupus Calamari. I'm going to leave the story here for now, as the next bit was quite long, and going any farther now would screw it up.
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I think I already know what happened next lol.
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I'm going to make a thread just for this story, it might take a while though.
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Noice.
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Haha that's amazing. In my runs it was mostly my group killing each other by rolling 1s and 3s instead lol.
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The rest of the group did that. I got nothing but crits the entire game.
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That is hilarious
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Noice. Can't wait for part two.
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Part two is out now!
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[quote]Part two is out now![/quote] [i] [/i]
