I have my preferences and limits like anyone else, but I fall in love with personality and mutual interests more than anything else.

As do I. Another thing is that confidence goes a very, very long way toward making a person - male or female - attractive. I just happened to get very lucky with my wife in that she's beautiful inside and out. It seems to me to be somewhat rare or at least less common to find someone who is beautiful inside and out. There can be lots of reasons for this, but nevertheless, it does appear to be the case.

I thought I was lucky in that regard, until my girlfriend came out to me after a year together. My "type" in general is already very rare so I think what I'm looking for is like a needle in a haystack. Found it once, now I have find it again.

It will happen one day. It's tough, border-lining impossible, to find someone you can spend your life with. Needle in a haystack, most certainly. Believe me, I went through a lot of failed attempts, had my heart broken, and my world torn apart plenty of times before meeting my wife (of 7yrs) by sheer dumb luck - on a blind date set up by very persistent friends of ours of all things. And to think I had rejected their attempts for years, before practically being forced into it. By then I had already resigned myself to thinking love was a trick of nature, nothing was sacred, and that there was no one made for me. She is my second wife, in fact. My first marriage lasted 1yr. We were very young and I didn't know her at all. She had a very bad reputation which I knew nothing about. I don't know how many guys she was sleeping with, but one of them was my best friend - only friend I had, actually. You may not believe it, but I actually had to leave work early on Valentine's Day to go to court to finalize the divorce. How poetic and ironic and tragic is that? We live in a different world these days. Traditional morals and values are changing or going away. Relationships are as meaningless and disposable as a TV we would of course replace but never repair should it not work properly. I also feel somewhat sad for the younger generations for having less and less opportunity to meet people irl. There aren't many social functions or other opportunities to meet people, and we interact less and less. It's like we're heading toward Wal-E. We also see more and more 'Internet personas', as opposed to the personalities developed through actually interacting irl. Most assuredly, the right one for you exists, but to find them when one or both partners have less traditional values has always been more difficult.

Well, I don't believe in fate or anything like that. I'm sure there is more than one compatible person out there for me. It's just hard to find someone when you're naturally introverted and have no desire for ever having children. I just want a connection in what is seemingly an otherwise pointless existence. I mostly keep to myself but I want someone to be alone with, if that makes any sense.

It makes perfect sense, actually, and I sincerely hope you find that. As for fate, I don't believe in fate, though I hesitate to dismiss anything entirely and so often the truth is that nearly everything both 'is' and 'is not' as we believe. I simply doubt there is such a thing as fate as in events are predetermined or controlled by a power or by something supernatural, but this does not mean that events cannot possibly be predicted or have an inevitable outcome. Hypothetically speaking, for example, an omniscient entity could perhaps know exactly what will happen just as an expert chess player may know the outcome of a match within the first few moves but on an unfathomably complex scale. But yeah, can't say I believe in 'soul mates' or 'meant to be', but I tend to view these things as more a matter of compatibility, time, or maybe happenstance (right place, right time, right people). So in other words, "no one made for me," kinda stuff is more or less pessimism and self pity. I wouldn't say life is meaningless or look for or hope that someone else may bring meaning into one's life. For me, it's just a matter of perspective like everything else while reality itself is indifferent, which doesn't exactly equate to meaningless. I would, however, say that your interaction with or your relationship with someone can bring strength, happiness, and many other positive and sometimes hurtful things that make us feel... well, human. You may not want children, but I cannot express enough, the change that occurs, the 'meaningfulness', and strength that you feel when you are a proud parent, having brought a new life into this world. It's one of those truly life-changing and amazing feelings that are impossible to convey to those who are not parents. Anyway, life is weird...

It's more that I think we make our own point to life. I just haven't found anything like that yet. As for the kids thing, I've heard it all before. It doesn't make it sound any more appealing. There are enough of us as it is. It'll be ok if I don't contribute to that, lol. I don't see it as pessimism and I don't want or expect pity. I think I'm just being realistic.

[quote]It's more that I think we make our own point to life.[/quote] Yep, agreed, and that's basically what I was saying. [quote] I just haven't found anything like that yet. As for the kids thing, I've heard it all before. It doesn't make it sound any more appealing. There are enough of us as it is. It'll be ok if I don't contribute to that, lol. [/quote] Lol I was always the same way, which is why I said it's an impossible thing to convey. I guess I never really believed I would feel what I had always heard others claim, but after becoming a father, it was just super weird. I began having feelings that I never really understood. The protective feelings were probably the most unexpected. It was like this... I don't know... like this instinctual or overwhelming sensation of "I will kill an entire army with my bare hands and teeth to protect you! My life means nothing, my body is only flesh! I will rip you apart and send you straight to Hell if you try to hurt her!" kind of feeling lol I know that sounds ultra silly but it really is like that. Crazy stuff. [quote] I don't see it as pessimism and I don't want or expect pity. I think I'm just being realistic.[/quote] Oh no, I think you may have misunderstood or I didn't explain it correctly. I meant that the feelings I once had such as the feeling that 'no one was made for me' did not imply that I believe in fate, but rather it was only pessimism or self pity on my part. Anyway, wish you all the best dude. From my conversations with you, I'd say you're bright and seem to be a nice guy. I think it's just a matter of time and maybe it will take putting yourself out there a bit? None of my business, and I won't be offended if you don't want to answer, but are you actively pursuing opportunities to meet people or are you trying to talk to people?

I am actively pursuing. I'm not a very social person and bars/clubs/parties are really not my thing. So I'm on dating sites. Which is how I met my ex. The area here sucks for me though. I live in the south and I'm the opposite of most people here. I've been on 4 dating sites, 2 for over a month and nothing really. No one really jumps out at me. As soon as I make my search criteria include not wanting kids the amount of potential matches I have drops drastically. Mutual interests are important to me and it's hard to find many nerdy/gamer types here that also don't want kids. I expect it will be a while. I'm used to it though. I was alone for many years for the same reason.

It's great that you're at least trying. It's no surprise that the 'no kids' thing may turn a lot of women away. I mean, if you look at it from their perspective, since they don't know you at all, this probably translates to something along the lines "I am a player. I am not looking for commitment or anything serious or long term. I don't want to be held down to you should things not work out." lol Anyway, I faced a similar situation during the years after my incredibly brief, first marriage and prior to meeting my wife. Tried the dating sites, but had zero luck with that. I swear, I think that some of the chicks on there are probably married, career dating site members there for the abundance of attention and flattery from all the lonely people. But yeah, I feel like part of my problem was also that I may have lacked universal appeal. I was/am an artist, musician, love books, movies, video games, science, Star Trek (lol). Another part was likely that I was just a small fish lost in the competition that I sort of resented being part of in the first place. Actually had somewhat better luck on Facebook, actually. Went out with a few old high school friends, who as it turned out, seemed to have aged far worse to be honest and had grown into "my clock is ticking" crazy people that I no longer related to at all. I did, however, have a few successful, but short-lived flings here and there. One in particular, ended up living less than a mile down the street, which was insane. "Oh it must be fate!" we said, but no it wasn't. We got along amazingly well at first, had a lot of fun, but then over time, the fact that she was always more of a cheerleader type while I was always more of a punk became clearer. Plus the fact that she became psycho-possessive, checking receipts and forwarding all my voice mails to her phone so that she could interrogate me later didn't help. You know what I think was the most significant thing I learned through it all? Learning that the right one for me, the one I clicked with the most wasn't anything like what I thought. My wife and I have grown to appreciate our differences. We enjoy different things, but we've opened each other up to so much that we each never thought we'd enjoy (I told her she would be hooked on Trek if she just gave it a chance and I was right! Lol). We're both gamers, though, we did have that in common. She still plays WoW and nowadays I'm strictly console. I guess if I could make any recommendation - I know you didn't ask - but maybe try being friends first, like on Facebook or something like that. You could also try taking a job dealing with the public; it could help open you up a bit and also help with making friends and meeting people. Pretty sure church is out of the question. Even though there's always lots of matchmakers at churches, I personally never had any luck there, either, regardless of everyone recommending it. Also - and here's where you might get mad at me - try compromising, opening yourself up to different types if you haven't already. I dated quite a bit and gained a lot of experience from that, but like I said, probably the most important thing I learned was that I was a whole heck of a lot more compatible with a lot more different types of people than I would ever have thought possible. But hey, yeah, forget the bars and clubs. You aren't missing anything there, I can promise you. You're chances of meeting a sweet, honest person who you would actually have a real relationship with at a bar or club are slim to none.

Yea, I won't meet my type in those types of social settings. I've always been shy with women too. Painfully shy until my first relationship. It was long distance, we only met twice. She was my "first." Which was when I was 30. That's how shy I was. Second relationship that I described previously hit off immediately upon our first meeting but then as I said she realized she was gay instead of bisexual. It is what it is. Hopefully I'll find someone eventually.

I went through periods of extreme shyness as well as depression , but mostly when I was younger and only a smattering of phases here and there after high school. Years of false courage and loss of inhibition that followed was all thanks to other, far worse things such as drug habits, drug addiction, and drinking, After making it through all that (luckily unscathed and still having a functioning brain), I started to change and open up on my own and over time, primarily via forced habits. I owe some that to working around people in public and truly wanting to stop being sad, lonely, and antisocial. Wouldnt say I became a social butterfly per se, more like I eventually succeeded in adapting to include social abilities and projecting 'positive energy." Basically, I got sick of it and decided to take it off autopilot even if it killed me. When you make yourself think a certain way long enough, you'll find yourself doing it without even trying, until one day it simply is who you are. I was amazed at the difference little things like that made. I'm still just as much the introverted, loner, dreamer, deep thinker that I always was only now there's the additional parts, such as being a proud father, husband, and the sort of guy that most of the people that don't really know me might say is laid back, super friendly, does not have a care in the world, and doesn't have a shy bone in his body. If I were your friend, I swear I would make your dating profile super vague yet 'nice guy' sounding, and take off the part about 'no kids' without telling you! lol Since you're at least 30, I'm sure you know that this makes your profile FAR less attractive than just simply for the reasons I mentioned earlier. About 99% (by my expert estimation) of all women around that age who are not seriously messed up or in a psyche ward or prison some where and are in fact perfectly attractive and viable candidates will have kids or will at least want them now or otherwise skip right over a Mr. "I don't want kids" lol Hey wait, you're not putting anything about theological views on there are you? Don't have to answer that; was just curious.

My profiles are blunt and honest because that's how I am in real life. So I state who and what I am but I don't go into details. I'm not really looking for anything casual. I won't find the right type by omitting information. Children is not something to compromise on. We're talking about the life of little human(s) here, lol. I'm not going to be dishonest about it. That wouldn't be fair to who's viewing my profile. I am anti-social too. Not completely. I just don't really like small talk all that much and I don't go to things where the intention is to just hang out and be social. I can talk to people one on one just fine for the most part. I'm old enough that I've realized I'm not like most people and I've realized the world caters to the opposite of what I am in a lot of ways. I do what I have to to get by. I'm social for work and I will be social if I see someone that catches my interest. It just hasn't happened since I've become single again.