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Edited by Hive Rizzard:
11/8/2015 1:26:57 AM
7
From a writers perspective this isn't attention grasping. I'm assuming this is a highschool project, the formatting is a little forced and I lost interest about halfway through. I would suggest having a proofreader read through and help with the flow
English
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Thank you fir the feedback! Its a spoken word so im hoping that it flows better with different inflections and suck but i will definetly work on it more : ) Thank you
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I'm not trying to be mean or anything because the overall concept is great. I'm glad that you stay true to yourself and enjoy the things that you do to the fullest. The story portrayed is fantastic, yet the flow limits how close the reader can get to what you are trying to create.
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I totally understand : ) My friends say its allot to hear it spoken rather than reading it but ill still tweak it
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If you need any help or have any questions feel free to shoot me a message guardian
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Would you like to see me read it?
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I really like it, a lot, but like he said it needs a little more flow. :) good work!
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Thank you :)
