[quote]0/10, didn't mention Jeremy Clarkson. Also: >fly to the UK for a road trip with some friends >only airline food available is lukewarm lager, cold tea and stale crumpets >attempt to ask for better food, flight attendant threatens to smack me in the gobber >no in-flight movie available, forced to watch 6-hour Top Gear marathon instead >headphones not working, flight staff decide to play the audio through loudspeaker >6 hours of Jeremy Clarkson yelling about muslims >order some reading material to distract myself from all the subliminal messages telling me that england prevails >all they have is daily mail >frontpage headline: "PARLIAMENT VOTES TO BE ANNEXED BY SAUDI ARABIA, PRINCE CHARLES IS AN ALIEN" >subliminal messages from Top Gear finally take effect >British passengers fly into a frenzy, gang up on the one guy wearing a turban >turban man tries to explain that he is a Sikh >they don't listen, beat him to a bloody pulp >scottish passenger screams "ALBA GU BRACHT!" at the top of his lungs, rips the Sikh gentleman's chest cavity open and uses his blood to paint a gaelic tribal tartan on his face >some of the blood accidentally splashes on my forehead >order a towel to wipe it off >suddenly: "OI! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!" >passengers start to attack me >i make a run for the washroom >scramble inside, lock door behind me >passengers have gone into all-out celtic/saxon multicultural berserker rage >they pound on the door with all their strength >fish around in my pockets for anything to hold them off >find spare toothbrush >slide it under the door >they take one look and disperse, fleeing back to their seats to watch more top gear >hide in the bathroom until landing >arrive at london airport around 11AM >everyone starts disembarking >i wait until they're gone, then quickly make my way off the plane >see friend holding up a sign with my name on it >last name has a lower case t in it >police arrive >charge friend a 500 pound fine for offensive belittling of religious symbol >suddenly they see his nametag >has a lower case c in it >police think it's a crescent moon >mace my friend, drag him off to prison for islamophobia >have to take the bus to reach my hotel >bus is full of chavs skipping school >they all blast various sex pistols tracks from their iphones >insist on singing out loud in thick cockney accents >pull a knife on me when i ask them to stop >move up to the front of the bus >bus driver is drinking gin straight from the bottle >"umm excuse me sir...isn't it dangerous to drive under the influence?" >"U WOT M8?" >bus driver downs gin on one swig, breaks the empty bottle against the dashboard and attempts to stab me >nothing but a plastic water bottle to defend myself with >wave it out in front of me >bus driver becomes terrified, flees by jumping out one of the windows >bus swerves wildly >small indian man in a business suit jumps forward to catch the wheel >we narrowly avoid hitting a lamp post >chavs enjoy the ride, begin singing "anarchy in the UK" in unison >one chav begins to hold hands with his pregnant 15-year-old girlfriend >muslim at the back of the bus sees them, becomes outraged >pulls out a scimitar, beheads the brave indian fellow >takes off his jacket to reveal a huge bomb strapped to his chest >"I WILL SEND ALL YOU SINNERS TO ALLAH!" >suddenly, scottish guy from the plane appears from the back of the bus >kicks muslim in the balls so hard he breaks his toe >bus swerves wildly >I ask if anyone knows how to drive >no one even has a license >bus crashes into a post office >i am the only survivor >crawl out of the wreckage >police arrive >see that I have red hair, assume that I'm with the IRA >spend the night in jail >go to court the next day >judge is drinking gin from the bottle, jury is full of teenage chavs >judge slurs "thish irish man was-" >jury immediately votes guilty >judge passes out >sentenced to 20 years in prison >apply for parole >they ask if I'm sorry for what I've done >I say yes >they shorten my sentence by 17 years >give me a cell to myself >pristine white hot tub, cable TV and internet access >try to watch some porn to pass the time >knife shoots out of the computer screen >castrates me >I writhe on the floor in pain >coppers take me to the emergency room >spend 2 weeks on waiting list >they cauterize my wound with boiling whisky >ask me if I'd like to drink the leftovers >I politely decline >suddenly they realize I'm not Irish >receive royal pardon >get to fly home in first class >police drive me to the airport >suddenly, alien mothership appears over london >viewscreen lowers >it's prince charles >he orders that all life on earth be exterminated >[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg8M-8BqTGs]hear some weird noises[/url] UK, never again.[/quote] Wait what happened to your friend after he was taken away