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Edited by IAmJoshman:
8/15/2015 11:56:45 PM
327
The Chuck Norris "Facts" Thread
Let's all perform our daily worship of Chuck Norris
Now please let us hear the "Facts" the Chuck has to offer
News: 50 Facts, Norris approves
News: 100 Facts, Norris is pleased
News: 250 Facts, Chuck killed Osama bin Laden in fit of happiness
News: 550 Facts, Chuck went in time to stop the JFK assasination. As Oswald shot, Chuck's beard caught and shot back the bullets at Oswald, killing him. JFK's head exploded from sheer amazement.
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Best Facts:
Chuck Norris took oranges off an apple tree and made the best lemonade you've ever tasted - JollyRoger343
Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the show "Man vs. Wild," but the directors didn't want kids thinking that "lava is safe to eat" - Rubyk
Chuck Norris can rub 2 pieces of fire together and make wood -WiliestHarbor66
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret - MasterMG33
Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a circular room - Omalpha
Chuck Norris got into a knife fight... The knife lost - Omalpha
When Chuck Norris dies he will be carrying his own coffin - hertylip
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats unicorns - II Âømârk II
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[b][i][u]THE HALL OF THE NORRIS[/u][/i][/b]
[b][i]The Greatest Contributor: Singh1199[/i][/b]
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3 RepliesEdited by unsanguine: 7/19/2015 8:21:03 AMChuck Norris died years ago. Death is just scared to tell him Chuck Norris already been to Mars. Thats why there is no signs of life. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his house. Its not dead, its just scared to move. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.At night. When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do. Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund Chuck Norris doesn't walk on land. He swims through it. Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom. Chuck Norris won a staring contest with the sun
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1 ReplyChuck Norris can watch a 2 hour movie in 1 hour.
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He once divided by zero and got an answer
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The only real fact is that he is actually a tool.
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The chuck norris effect- insta win
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Chuck Norris faced himself in a fight and won
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3 RepliesChuck Norris can play every song on every instrument using one finger.
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6 RepliesTake those quotation marks out of the title. They're all facts. Like the fact that in 1945 Chuck Norris draft k a can of Red Bull and jumped out of a plane. To see what happened Google "Hiroshima"
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Chuck Norris multiples 0 to get 56 without using 0
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Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity[spoiler]He got it back[/spoiler]
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17 RepliesI don't understand why you guys think he's that great. If he was really as great as you guys said he is,he would bust in My house right now and slam my face on the keyboarhhebebdvsksbevsjsbsbsksbsbsgsvs
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1 ReplyThey once cross infused chucks DNA with toliet papaer to make it stronger. It was immediately taken off market after the TP wasnt absorbent or wiped shit up. It was obvious chuck norris doesnt take any shit
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Chuck norris has a fist in his beard.
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1 ReplyChuck Norris can open a revolving door.
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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51 RepliesChuck Norris is a old senile man, and people who still care about him are autistic people trying to be funny by posting chuck Norris jokes that were never funny to begin with.
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Chuck Norris was the big bang
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Chuck Norris is actually just a tool.
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10 RepliesEdited by Trungli: 7/2/2015 11:38:15 PMChuck Norris can leave voice mails on printed paper. Chuck Norris can see his forehead without a mirror. When Chuck Norris turns on the TV, it watches him. Chuck Norris can pause online games. Chuck Norris can see under Master Chief's helmet with a blindfold. Chuck Norris was supped to star in the show "Man vs. Wild," but the directors didn't want kids thinking that "lava is safe to eat" Chuck Norris can catch laser pointers. Chuck Norris can snipe with shotguns. Chuck Norris once bet the NASA he could re-enter orbit without a space suit: "On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer."
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When Chuck got close to the sun, it froze proving how cool he is. (Cheesy, I know) When Chuck was hit with tear gas, he breathed it in, then exhaled it to the guy who threw it, in his face.(?) Chuck can perform CPR on himself, while he's unconscious. (Got it)
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1 ReplyThere never used to be a night untill the sun annoyed Chuck Norris he kicked it so hard its still spinning
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2 RepliesChuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only recognizes the Element of Surprise.
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1 ReplyChuck Noris was once on Wheel of Fortune and had first spin. Needless to say they waited the next 45 minutes for the wheel to stop.
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2 RepliesDeath had a near Chuck expeirence. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 16 people then it exploded. Ninjas violated the [url=http://www.example.com]Code of Chuck[/url] and were met with Roadhouse justice.
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Chuck Noris once broke a 90s' Nokia
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8 RepliesBruce Lee is the only known existing thing to have ever defeated Chuck Norris
