Sir, I can't possibly be your best option here...we have at least one robot on staff now, don't we? I'm sure he can download an appropriate instructional video.
Exactly, sir: [i]your[/i] assassin droid. I'm sure he will follow your instructions to the letter. I can no longer say the same...my mind these days is partly another's. There are times at which I am not myself.
Speaking of which, don't venture down into the basement anytime soon, particularly not on the eve or day of your child's birth. That sort of timing is fuel for many rituals, few of which end happily.