EVERY YEAR, I'M OUT WITH THE FLU. DRESSING UP BOTHERS THE SHIT OUT OF ME, AND I FEEL LIKE A QUEER RUNNING AROUND IN A STUPID POLO SHIRT GREETING EVERYBODY. FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY GODDAMN THING ON TV, AND IT'S USUALLY GARBAGE TEAMS ANYWAY. IT'S ALWAYS -blam!-ING CROWDED EVERYWHERE I TURN, AND THE RELATIVES WILL NOT GO THE HELL AWAY. THE ONLY GODDAMN POINT TO THANKSGIVING IS TO STUFF YOURSELF WITH TURKEY (WHICH IS TERRIBLE ANYWAY) AND TO BE SOCIALLY AWKWARD. I'M THANKFUL THAT I'M IN BED WITH A FOOKIN' FEVER OF 107, BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE I COULD'VE LOOKED FORWARD TO.