[quote]Short story: my farther was a great man before the war and my mother was a doctor who could help any one and would do it no matter if she got paid or not,but this would all change when we got attacked and almost obligated and saved by the travler and I and three others where chosen by the traveler to keep the last city safe while the traveler slept, it gave us extraordinary powers. And we trained other how to tap in to the travelers powers. And we called ourselves the graudians. A Year later we have over a hundred fresh guardians.We decide to build a wall so when we where away our families and loved ones would be safe. We took volunteers which I was in charge of to build the wall. The wall was about finished when we met our first aliens. On day while I was keeping watch with my custom sniper branded closing time I saw four glowing humans running fast I aimed down my scope to see why the where running and behind the where 10/15 four armed humanoid running after then with guns and swords I sounded the alarms and took out two of the four arms guys then jumped down and activated my ability to hover and pull out my assault rifle now called the soul returner and charged when I came up on the glowing humans I realised they where female aliens and they were holding babies,the looked alarmed when saw me sprinting towards them. I yelled to them to keep running that I will help them and more help are on the way. I shoot and killed the first 4 humanoids without them even knowing what happen the the other nine stop and got togother in a group with shields infront and then guns then in back swords I did my best to shoot the guns,but then I hit one of the sword humanoids in the head which fell clean of his shoulders and a white ghostly air shoot out of his neck all of the other humanoids scattered I piped them off on at a time when I got all of them I headed back to the wall to tell the rest of the council what happen. Then I hear an electric buzz go past my eat an feel a crippling pain in my arm that makes me drop. I spuned as I fell and then one of the humanoids was there standing above me with to energy swords, this ones bigger and member then the others.I try to stand up but then he slams his giant foot down on my chest the humanoid starrs to bleeding from the ships knee where his sword hit and his yellow blood drips in my eyes so I can't see I await my death,the all a sudden the weight of his foot is lifted I wipe my eyes and see a grey human fist fighting the giant humanoid I kept wiping my eyes the user that this grey dude is an robot, the the robot climbs the giant twist,grabs the giant withvhis legs and throw him to the dirt. The robot gets up and shoves his hand though the giant chest and pulls out it heart. To be cont.[/quote] And this is to chapter one: it really good you did great job describing people and stuff it was very interesting: but you put she has blonde fair, I think you ment hair I could be wrong but other then that it was good.