This is awesome! Will you link the 2nd chapeter on this thread? Or will you start a new one?

Awesome

I am going to make my character an Exo Guardian just because of this great story. It was so well written. I think the very first narrator was Kyjor talking to the same judge that sentenced Dartol. I feel like Kyjor will meet Dartol at the very beginning of his journey as a Guardian, and it will corrupt him. I also believe that Antom is actually like an evil master mind. Dartol is a badass, I will be playing as him in Destiny, just calling future dibs on that right now. Chenford reminds me lot of Commander Shepard. I like his character, but I hope he keeps running into trouble, because I think that kind of narrative is something I would like to read. The removement chamber was so cool, I want to learn about how the city has the ability to remove your powers. I feel like the fact that Datrol is MIA is cool because as soon as someone happens upon him, he could ruin the citys politics. I feel like Chenfords missioned tanked so fast because the hive had Datrol's papers that he gave to the enemy. Am I right on any of my answers?

Greatttt!!! I was so like ohhhh when the chamber energy flashed lol, and chenfords mission was well written I could feel the tension. Future Kyjor gotta be the narrator or maybe the traveler. My favorite part was when you were naming famous guardians in the parade I was like OMG I wish My team and I were walking with them in that parade. You just got me that more excited for destiny sir and I thank you

I love it, can't wait for the next part :D

can I join the black garden?

What is this other story you're talking about so much?

I loved it! Here's some constructive feedback. 1 more description 2 more careful introduction to the characters so the reader feels familiar with them 3 more explanation on the scene I have to admit you did the above pretty well but needed a little more. I liked the idea and where the story was heading to though.

Why does everyone assume that people will have long, unpronounceable names in the future? Right now I'm working on a short story, but it won't have any names like that. I want them to be simple and memorable.

I was going to make my own short story. I found it funny when you mentioned the Exo Warlock. That was the same race and class of the character I am making. His name is Xialus Vulkaar. But great read. Cant wait to start mine

Just one thing... Did you spell it "Gaurdians" on purpose or was that just a constant mistake? That was the only thing that really bothered me lol but great read! :)

Really good read, I tie all there lives together .Maybe when Antom gets older and becomes a Guardian.

Good, I like it.