[quote]Lieutenant-Lee The Sheriff Callsign: Caesar Sergeant-Liam_gue Callsign: Bull Scout-Sherlock Holmes Callsign: Wraith Sniper-Michael Callsign: Deadeye Breacher-Davy Timns Callsign: Flash Machine gunner-ShadowWing48 Callsign: Storm Demolition-John Watson Callsign: Nuke Medic-Zbruh Callsign: Patcher Engineer-Tokodia Callsign: Smarts.[/quote] real on the nose, innit [quote]*Distant gunfire and explosions. "Pvt. Michael! Relocate to sector 270!" *Back to reality. [/quote] *Imagines what it would be like if writers actually used asterisks* *dies* [quote]"Breathe… breathe." Michael thought to himself. [/quote] One day people will know how quotation marks work. One day. [quote]It was a cloudy day with a light rain falling. Just like that terrible conflict before. The only difference was the calm. Something you hope stays with a hostage crisis, but know it hardly doe-[/quote] Not entirely sure what’s calm about a, uh, “hostage crisis”, but okay. And I just love how dramatic the description of that terrible conflict before was. Must’ve been real important. [quote]"We're ODST, one of the best fighting forces there is, and we're out here doing these shitty policemen's job." John complained. [/quote] [i]it hurts[/i] [quote]"You're just upset that you don't get to blow up the building." Tokodia observed. [/quote] AAAAAAAAAAAAA [quote]A startling scream followed by a gurgle made them all jump. [/quote] Nothing redundant about that sentence. [quote]"Will you [i]please[/i] maintain radio silence while I'm infiltrating?" Sherlock growled sheathing his knife. "All tangos down you're clear to breach, Alpha."[/quote] Sherlock seems like he got his lunch money stolen a lot in school. Also, what’s the point of breaching if everyone’s dead? I thought it was breach-and-clear, not clear-then-break-a-door-down-for-no-reason. [quote]"Roger that. Stack up! God knows how much patience they have left." Liam ordered. [/quote] I thought they were all dead. [quote]Davy rushed into the building and set up on the third floor. On the other side were eight confirmed tangos and at least ten hostages being held at gun point. Liam was checking his equipment and getting ready to count down, and Zbruh was setting up behind him to tend to the wounded. [/quote] Okay, so all but 8. [quote]The next minute was a blur. Davy threw in a flash bang and Liam followed up with a smoke grenade. The disorientated enemies were outlined through the smoke by their visors and were systematically taken down. Davy sweeping right and Liam sweeping left. After their initial sweep, Zbruh rushed in to check the ONI personal without even a cautionary glance to freshly killed enemies. Once they made sure everyone wasn't seriously injured they started the evac Zbruh helping the wounded outside. Something that seemed slightly out of place caught Davy's eye. [/quote] Can we pick a tense and stay in it please? And maybe, this is just a suggestion, instead of writing everything down like you’re typing up an affidavit, we can get a bit more colorful language? If Tom Clancy wanted to describe “enemies” getting “systematically taken down”, he’d probably imply it with a bit more imagery and not just say, “they were systematically taken down”. You know, that thing writers do. [quote]"…BOMB! GET THE -blam!- DOWN!" Yelled Liam. [/quote] Maybe if Liam didn’t pause for that unnecessary ellipse they could’ve gotten away. [quote]To be continued.[/quote] And then John was a demon.