I sexually Identify as a Microwave. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of scorching tons of popcorn dropping radioactive loads on oven worshippers. People say to me that a person being a microwave is Impossible and I’m -blam!-ing retarded but I don’t care, I’m hot (literally). I’m having Jesus install a sexy glass wall, 420 shiny buttons and a rotating plate on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Micro” and respect my right to Microwave it from every possible angle and burn endlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a microphobe and need to check your kitchen privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.