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I hate women so I wear crocs

60% of the time it works, every time

Toast/Envelope Method An incredibly successful and completely legitimate way to ensure a Female is attracted to you. The first step is relatively easy. Put a two slices of Toast in an envelope with the female's name on it. Step two requires patience; requiring a 48 hour period of zero contact until the female gives back the envelope. Do not open the envelope again until you're in a secure environment. If step two was performed successfully, the envelope should now contain nude pics of your target. Step three requires speaking to her alone using a secret code: If you ask: "Is the peanut butter in the potato?" and she answers with: "No it is in the apple sauce.", then the Toast/Envelope Method was performed successfully and you can continue your courtship on your own terms. Alternatively, if you are kicked in the testicles upon uttering the code, it is safe to say she is not interested. I met my last 20 lady friends utilizing the Toast/Envelope Method.

Instructions unclear bought two girlfriends and am now in an intimate relationship with a spoon.

Instructions unclear, penis replaced with spoon, send help

Nah nah. You got to sell milk, man! Here is how you slide into those dms Milkman style. Step One. Get into standard Milkman uniform. Step two. Get in stylish milk van loaded with [b][i]Things[/i][/b] Step Three. Drive to m'lady household Step four. Knock, slant on pole or fence next to door. Step five. The most important! Repeat after me "Would you like to buy my service, or shall I say my milk? If this does not work or she goes straight torwards the phone run back to the van and drive to Mexico for the week.

The [b][u]DENNIS[/u][/b] System [b][u]D[/u][/b]emonstrate value [b][u]E[/u][/b]ngage physically [b][u]N[/u][/b]urturing dependence [b][u]N[/u][/b]eglect emotionally [b][u]I[/u][/b]nspire hope [b][u]S[/u][/b]eparate entirely No joke I somewhat used this to get my current girlfriend of 4 months

I legitimately sat next to a girl while both of us were drunk. "do you like me?" I asked. She said yes and we made out. Been together almost a year.

Wrong. All wrong. First you walk up to the girl. Then say you like their shoes. Say nothing else and then walk away.

Or an easier way: 1. Compliment her eyebrows. 2. Go down. That's it.

Chloroform. Duct Tape. Thats all you need.

THIS IS PEQUOD, COMING IN HOT

Or go to the local bank and take all the ATM receipts out of the trash. Find the one with the largest account balance, write number on it, leave it with girl. Instant GF