So I was walking home from work and I decided to go through an alleyway as a shortcut. It turned out to be a dead end so I turned around and seen the 2 blackest son of bitches that I ever saw blocking my only exit. They started walking towards me and one of them pulled out his massive present wrap. From that point on I knew what was about to happen to me. They backed me up into a corner and they put bows all over me. It was horrible and they didn't let up at all. They were throwing "ribbons" at me left and right. They had their way with my ears. After they got finished with me I was huddled in a corner crying about what just happened to me. I just couldn't make sense of any of it. My white brain just couldn't handle all that black wrap they were throwing at me.