(In 1944) How can you tell that soldiers on the eastern front are good friends? When a soldier comes back from leave, his division has come backward 200km to meet him!- German joke popular in the east (Obviously)
"If you see a white plane, it's American, if you see a black plane it's RAF. If you see no planes at all it's the Luftwaffe!”- German saying on the western front
The skipper of a Polish submarine in WWII is asked: "you see in your periscope a German and a Soviet cruiser. Which one do you attack first?"
"Of course the German one", the Polish officer answers, "duty is always before pleasure".
English joke from North Africa
-When a clock goes forward it goes tictoc but when Rommel goes backwards it's tactic.
The German soldier was a Russian POW for about 5 years. when he got home and being single he asked about the ladies of the night that used to be in town. He was told the GIs married them all.
The night before D-Day, one Allied unit due to go ashore in an LCI was in final stages of battle preparation. During weapons issue, one quartermaster realised to his horror that they were one rifle short, and in desperation, issued one hapless soldier with a broom handle, and the advice, "keep out of danger and grab someone else's weapon when you get a chance."
In the early morning they stormed ashore in a hail of gunfire, and ten men died before they even left the landing craft. Suddenly the soldier saw a German infantryman taking aim at him, and with nothing to lose, pointed the broom handle and shouted "BANG!" To his amazement, the German fell dead.
Storming inland, the Allied soldier saw an MG position,again pointed the broom handle and shouted "BANG,BANG,BANG!" and again the Germans fell dead.
Suddenly, out of the smoke of battle, came a huge German jogging through the fields with no weapon at all. The Allied soldier pointed his broom handle again and shouted "BANG!"Nothing happened. Suddenly the German saw him and started to run towards him. The Allied soldier again shouted BANG! Again, nothing happened. And as the German began to close on him, the Aliied soldier heard him muttering under his breath, "Tanketty tanketty tank! Tanketty tanketty tank!"
Even a Soviet one! - Some soldiers of the red army are ordered to storm a German fortification. The commanding officer tells them to "Kill the Germans to the last man!"
After a while, the soldiers return, dragging along a German taken prisoner. The officer gets mad and says "What is this, i told you to kill them to the last man!"
One soldier replies: "But Sir....this IS the last man!"
How many French soldiers do you need to defend Paris?
- no one know because no one tried
How many gears do french tanks have?
- five - four backward and one forward in case of a rear attack
Why are French roads lined with trees?
So German troops can march in the shade.
During a strategy conference a fly began buzzing around the room, landing on Hitler’s shoulder and on the surface of a map several times.
Irritated, Hitler ordered Darges to “dispatch the nuisance”. Darges suggested whimsically that, as it was an “airborne pest” the job should go to the Luftwaffe adjutant, Nicolaus von Below.
Enraged, Hitler dismissed Darges on the spot. “You’re for the eastern front!” he yelled. And so he was sent into combat.
Hehe, hope you guys got a chuckle out of these, post em if you got em!